Yesterday, celebrations were held in London to mark the first anniversary of the city being awarded the 2012 Olympics. At the time, last year, I was sitting on an Air Canada plane with my family, waiting to take off for a two week holiday in British Columbia when the pilot announced the result and we all cheered. Today commemorations will be held in London, to mark the first anniversary of the bombings .

This is a private and a public event now.

Private for those who were on those trains and bus, for their families, for the people who stopped to help, the underground staff and the emergency services present at the time.

Public for those of us for whom this is a vicarious traumatic event. We weren't there, and don't have memories of near death, body parts, choking smoke. So I feel a bit strange writing about this event. Who am I to comment? I wasn't even in the country, but in a hotel in Vancouver being woken up by my husband's mobile phone ringing as family and friends called to let us know what had happened. We watched the coverage on Canadian TV. The camera pointed at Edgeware Road tube station was positioned in front of the Metropole Hotel, where a makeshift emergency triage centre had been set up in the foyer. A few weeks before, myself and many other people here had been sitting in that same foyer, attending a Stargate convention.

Although like many Londoners, I subscribe to the mantra 'we are not afraid', the truth is that we are. Of course we are. I'm afraid every time I get on a tube train, something I do twice a day. The thing is that it doesn't stop us from carrying on as normal anyway. What else can you do?

Doesn't it seem just like nothing happens for ages, and then it all hits at once? The magazine I work on is closing this week, and things tend to get a bit stressed. We're lucky to get a break at lunchtime to eat. So it was heartbreaking when Earthgrazer called, one of my oldest friends from the fandom, and I wasn't even able to duck out for a coffee.

Tuesday's just aren't the same without Stargate. I used to get so excited. Tuesday's meant friends, wine, chocolate, lots of letching and fun. Is it time for the next season to start yet? Tonight Mags is dropping by though, so I've got a bit of my Tuesday night excitement back. Mags, EG and I all first met at the Evening with Michael Shanks event, way back in 2002. My first ever fandom event. It was a special night. There was only 400 people at the Radisson. It was only the second fandom event Michael had ever done and he still wasn't used to it. He blushed with every question asked.

Edited to say: oops! I used a shorthand reference closing - what I meant by this is that we are putting to bed an issue of the magazine, something that is done every month (being a monthly title!). So we're closing the issue = closing.

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