Last year I attended a convention in Detroit called "Motor City." It was huge, one of the biggest I've been to. There were thousands upon thousands of people attending but due to the location set-up of the "celebrities," we didn't see as many of those thousands as say, the vendors in the middle of the hall hawking mountains of memorabilia. I believe there were actual "base camps" set up at the bottom of these piles of stuff with actual sherpas hired to climb the north face to retrieve that elusive and oh, so rare, pair of Darth Vader oven mitts, say. The "celebrities" including me, were all set up in a hallway ghetto off this main area.
I'm used to being at conventions which are, if not entirely Stargate-centric, then at least they're "sci-fi" related. You know, those other shows that involve parallel universes and ray guns? I won't name those shows because I only want you all to think of Stargate. But the thing about this particular con was that it was a "television memorabilia" show. Translation? Anything goes. Proof of that became evident to me when I looked down the alley and saw Cathy Garver at a table selling ancient pics of herself. Who's Cathy Garver, you're asking? Well, so was I until I checked out her photos and saw her in her salad days as, "Sissy," the teenage daughter on "Family Affair." Remember that show? Buffy and Jody and Mr. French the English butler?
That Cathy Garver. And she was doing brisk business! I can only assume now that there are fans out there saying, "If I could just get Cathy Garver's autograph, I'll have the entire Family Affair set!"
And just down form Cathy Garver? Lou Ferrigno. But I'll talk about him later.
Aw, what the hell. I'll talk about him now. He's huge. The muscles at the back of his neck look like a massive wheel of cheese. You can't see any bones, just dense flesh. Even though the hall was freezing, Lou was in shorts and a wife-beater. Pretty spectacular. Anyway, Lou had a deal in which, if you paid $20 for a Polaroid with him, he'd give you an old black and white pic of himself. You gotta know that those black and whites were taking up a pile of room in Lou's carport hence the give-away deal. At the end of the convention, after Lou had packed up and left, I drifted by his table and there lying on its own, was Lou Ferrigno's business card. I picked it up and pocketed it with the secret knowledge that I had Lou Ferrigno's pager number and could drive him crazy with endless long distance calls. Let's see how green and angry he gets then!
Anyway, I had a table in this sad alley next to an old friend, Tom Braidwood of "X-Files" fame. Tom played one of the three "Lone Gunmen" along with Dean Haglund and Bruce Harwood. Anyway, Tom is a big laugh and I was thankful to be sat next to him. Tom had been there the day before and had made some money selling autographs but due to my filming commitments with SG:1, I had to come in on the Saturday and stay till Monday. So there we sat with our pictures spread out in front of us waiting for the "thousands upon thousands" of fans to stroll by.
Folks, it simply didn't happen.
Not to say that the fans didn't visit other tables. They did. They even visited Tom quite a bit. But not me. See, what the organizers did to let the fans know who was there, besides printing a postage stamp-sized pic of us in the program, was pin a square of cardboard on the curtain behind us with just our name on it. No reference point with say, the show you're either in or were on. Just your name. So I'm sitting there with "Gary Jones" hanging behind me and it slowly became evident, over two and half days, that to the large majority of these fans, the name "Gary Jones" meant absolutely nothing. This translated into them drifting by my table, letting their eyes drift over me and my pictures and then drifting away. Down to Cathy Garver's table, I believe.
Anyway, you can only take so much of people looking you up and down and then moving on. At some point, I turned to Tom and said, "Tom, I feel like a washed-up whore in an Amsterdam window." Tom chuckled as he signed another batch of pictures.
Once in a while a fan or two would come by and go, "Oh, my God, it is you! I saw your name in the program. I couldn't tell it was you from the tiny picture in the program but I saw your name and I'm so glad you're here!" It was like being at sea for days and being picked up by a Japanese fishing trawler. It was joyous! And if you don't think I kept those few fans chatting at my table, you're so, so wrong. A couple of times they had to break free and tell me that they had to get going because there was just so much to see. I'm assuming "so much to see" meant a visit to Cathy Garver's table.
Then a guy drifts by and hands me a sheet of paper and says, "Please read this over. We'd love you to get involved." I took one look at the title,
"Hollywood Is Calling," and was about to ball it up and whip it at Tom for something to pass the time when I saw a picture of one of the listed celebrities on the front page: Greg Evigan. Remember him? "BJ and the Bear?" The Bear being not an actual bear but an actual chimpanzee? Oh, wait. Maybe Greg was "The Bear" and the chimp was "BJ." Either way, Greg was a chimp-hauling trucker and they got into all sorts of scrapes in which the chimp would help Greg out so's they could long-haul pineapples or mattresses onto the next town of scrapes a-waiting.
I know Greg Evigan through my work as a television writer. He starred in a Canadian sitcom called, "Big Sound," on which I was a staff writer. Greg played a music talent manager and he's just a really great guy. So I hang onto the sheet of paper and decide to call him about this when I get back to Canada.
When I finally track Greg down and grill him on "Hollywood Is Calling," he assures me it's the real deal. This is how it works: fans go on the site and check out the celebrities listed. Based on who's available, fans can then, for a fee, get that actual celebrity to call someone the fan knows and wish them a happy birthday or congratulations on your promotion or good luck with the new baby or I suppose even, "Sorry to hear about your recent car-jacking." Whatever. The point is, it's the real life celebrity either talking to you or leaving a message on your machine. The fan writes in their request, the site forwards the request to the celebrity and then the celebrity calls up.
I still wasn't entirely convinced but Greg urged me to call them up so I did. The guy running the site was very enthusiastic about me becoming part of their roster. He was convinced that since I was a recurring character on a supremely successful show, that I would be flooded with requests. I agreed to join up.
That was last summer, I believe.
In all that time I've had one request.
One.
Not two.
Not none.
One.
Recently I went back on the site to make sure I was still listed. There I was, right below toothless boxer Leon Spinks and right above some guy named Dennis Haskins who apparently appeared in "Saved By The Bell." (Check out the attached site to the link if you want proof.)
It's been one of the most humbling experiences of my career. I joined up at the thought of "thousands upon thousands" of fans drifting over to their phone and delighting their friends or family with a call from me, "Walter Harriman, The Chevron Guy."
Folks, it simply didn't happen.
And the worst part? While Lou Ferrigno is on the roster, Cathy Garver's not even listed.
Gary has co-starred on Stargate SG-1 as
Hiya
Wow, First Comment, I think.
Nice to see another blog, I've been itching for it for days. Check every day (as you can tell.... regular comment writer and general Jones-hassler here).
The publicity for some of these events is positively shameful, when you've actually gone and turned up.
As for you not getting asked to do phone calls etc. Your luck is about to change, I think. A phone call from Chevron Guy!!!! Whooooot!
Love the idea of the carjacking... I'm sure you'd love pulling a prank like that.
Thanks so much, you've cheered me up just when I needed it.
Don't be a stranger, write again soon!!!!
Tracy Jane
Forgot to say, the font hasn't worked brilliantly on there, Gary. All the apostrophes have come up as weird symbols. It's like you've copied and pasted without making the necessary adjustments.... or is it just me it's not working for?
Tracy Jane
Professional Jones-Hassler ;)
I personally refuse to attend those conventions that basically turn the guests into pieces of meat. I'm not gonna name names here of those kinds or companies who run such cons, but from my personal experience, I prefer the cons that are for the fans and by the fans, rather than huge memorabilia-sales that are more about making money than about anything else (next on eBay, a signed picture of GARY JONES!, with a CERTIFICATE of AUTHENTICITY! - uh, yeah).
I get that cons like Dragon*Con may or may /not/ pay a guest for their appearance or any of their expenses, but I feel a whole lot comfortable about getting to even /see/ someone whose work I like without having to pay twice or thrice for the merest glimpse, much less get to talk to them and at least thank them for their work. The ones that make you pay more for the 'better' seats and you 'may or may not get an autograph or get to see the guest up close'... thanks, but not my cup of tea.
What truly impressed me about the guests at Dragon*Con last year was that a number of them offered up their proceeds to victims of Hurricane Katrina or at the very least had a donations jar. These were folks who probably weren't being paid to be there, and may even have had to pay their own way (I was too polite to ask which was which... it didn't matter, only their generosity was important - many of these folks weren't from the US and had no 'stake' in the matter -- they were just being generous human beings). I'm pleased to note that our very own Mr Jones here, along with his partner in crime Dean Haglund, did the same with their improv DVD. A class act, and a great DVD, too. :)
I hope Dragon*Con has the good sense to invite you back this year, because the real fans know who our favorite Chevron Guy is. :)
Cheers,
Phoe.
Yep, not working right with me either. O.o Straaange.
Awwww! If I had more than the $1 it'll cost me for the next week's Top Ramen (stupid college!) I'd totally sign up for a call. Then again, nothing has really happened to me lately - no birthdays, no new jobs... maybe a "Congratulations on sleeping in until 3 in the afternoon every day for the last week" call. Ah, I love winte break...
Gary! I'm so sorry. Come to Australia, we appreciate all you do :) Walter is one of the best characters on Stargate, how could they not know you?! Maybe you should have sat there yelling "Chevron one encoded. Chevron two encoded..... Chevron seven WILL NOT LOCK!" People would recognise you :)
phoenix said:
next on eBay, a signed picture of GARY JONES!, with a CERTIFICATE of AUTHENTICITY! - uh, yeah
Well, thats perfectly understandable. There would be a massive trade in illegal Gary Jones memrobillia otherwise ;)
Gary,
don't be so mean to Lou. From what I heard he's a really nice guy, and he's gotta make money somehow. Being the neighbour on King of Queens probably doesn't pay as well as ten seasons of announcing chevrons on SG-1.
NEW ON E-BAY: GARY JONES. WITH CERTIFICATE OF AUTHENTICITY.
err... I'd like two. After all, our car has two chevrons on its front hood.
Gary, thanks for being so honest with us. It is a genuine treat to peak inside your mind and see how you really feel. What is even more wonderful is how open you are. It would be so easy for you to write about so many other things that really don't show us who you are.
Jonesy,
That sucks! Its fun to hear about whats going on. Keep on writing about your life so that your fans can know! Wooo!!!
--Marsh
You know all this time, I've thought you had a great gift for remembering people's faces from previous cons.
"Hey! I know you! You were at the Dutch Cheese Loving Sci Fi Fan Con in Nova Scotia! You and your groupie friends kept chasing me down the hallway yelling, 'Chevron Eight Encoded!" and I had to call security to get the fangrrrrls under control so I could return to my hotel room and bar the door." ~ Gary
"Squeeeeeee!" ~ hopeless fan grrrrl.
Now, I know the bitter, bitter truth. It's not because we shared a heartfelt moment comparing Velveeta Cheese verse Cheese Whiz, but instead, you recognized me as a Japanese Trawler Ship Captain.
Oh the pain. The awful humanity.
:)
oh btw, Kathy Garver is on the list. :)
sadly, this reminds me of the ep of Entourage where Dillon's character goes to the San Diego Comicon and his booth is always upstaged by 'The Angel' Vanessa Angel's booth.
aw man what a story!!!!!!!!!
my friend would flip if she heard you on the phone!!!!
hmmmmmmmmmmm *light bulb lights up*
Jeez, Oy and UFF DA, Gary! Meeting you in Cleveland was so much fun...sharing dinner at the banquet was even better...DearHeart, you are loved. Honest! Those 'ranks of thousands' do not know what they are missing! Heck, I even thought of you when YOU were in ATLANTA and I was not! Hope seeing GORT on FILM was fun!
Jonesy, you are hilarious. Thanks for lighting up my day!
great blog as usual. it's always a great read. its actually one of the few blogs out there that i read. keep up to good work. and thanks for giving me a good laugh.
You tell great stories. I'd feel bad for your experiences at the con and the celebrity-calling company, but then I wouldn't have the great laugh I just had reading all about it. Thanks!
d00d... Michigan rules... and had i been down state at the time... i honestly prolly wouldn't have left your table... i would have seen your name and bee-lined it over... cause you know what... you are just that damn cool...!!! we have scifi friday parties up here at school *compleate with blue jell-o* and everyone shuts up when you come on screen... cause walter is the kind of character who doesn't get a huge number of lines... but when he gets them... they are pure gold...
*grin*
namarie
nix
Gary, I've got to say reading this entry depresses me, that so many fans of the genre would walk up to Tom Braidwood and not treat you with an equal amount of respect... that's simply ludricrous. Preposterous!
If you are ever near Cincinnati, I will take you out for drinks on behalf of Stargate fans everywhere. Of course, it would be great if you could call my dad and tell him you've got Colonel O'Neill on the line, but that's another story.
Just depressing, as a fan, that you don't get the respect you deserve.
I'd pay for the second round of drinks here in Cinti. :)
Having never been to a con before I must say I found your comments from the other side of the autograph table amusing. :-)
At the Creation Stargate con in March you will be inundated with Walter!Love from a couple of thousand adoring fans (as well as about a hundred fanatical GateWorlders) who will do their best to make up for that remarkable Detroit experience. ;-)
*Note to self, on next years birthday list, "call from Chevron Guy".
cheers
It's my birthday today, for about an hour longer anyway, so I suppose it's just to late to get you to call. Sucks to be me. ;) Maybe next year.
Awwww! ::huggles:: I would have visited you, and I would have hung out there for so long, you would have been happy to be rid of me. Heck, "The Chevron Guy" is soooo much cooler than Cathy Garver!
Sorry to hear about your bad con experience. I would have loved to meet you and chat for a while, and I know my friends would too. (Can you get us Cathy Garver's autograph?) :p
Maybe we'll get a chance to see you at some other con. We didn't see you schedualed at the MegaCon, but maybe we'll hit some other one this year that you'll be at. :)
I'm checking out that celebrity phone call thing...
Oh you are SO calling my husband Alex for his birthday in April!!! He will love it, you are his favorite from Stargate. (and I mean you not walter. We went to Dragon*Con this year and saw you do your panels and the comedy with Dean, to which we bought the DVD but your flight left on Monday before we could get your autograph for it :( Anyways, he thought you were hilarious during them all and started watching season 9 of sg-1 because of you... I had tried for 2 years to get him to watch to no avail but now he's hooked because of you)
Fantastic blog as always Jonesy, I now know what I'm asking my kids to get me for my birthday :o)
You almost had me in tears!
That's so sad that so few stopped by your wee little booth to get an autograph.
I guess there's no account for taste huh?
Hey, if you come to Dallas Comic Con we won't stick you in an alley. You get a well lit room with an assitant and everything!
If I can't see you there I will at least see you in Chicago this year. You and King Tut all in one trip! OH BOY!!!!
Who the hell doesn't want to see the Chevon Guy - the opitamy of coolness? Well at least in these parts you are. Get down here to Australia!
Mag :)
Thanks Jonesy! You're doing some great work on SG-1, and you're hillarious! Keep it up!
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you were awesome last Friday! Sorry I didnt say so sooner but that whole "semester starting back up" thing had me busy.
Also, my birthday was Monday and I'm pissed my friends didn't have you call me!
I am so sorry your experience turned out not as it should have been.
I also sorry that as I am typing how sorry I am, I grinning like an idiot.
The even sadder thing is I knew who Kathy Garver was!
Please keep blogging.
I know this is probably very unkind of me, but I nearly choked to death from laughing while reading your blog. You really should put a warning on these things. I truly am sorry for how you were treated at the con, but I must say you really do have a gift at making the worst experiences appear rather amusing. :)
Here's hoping you have better luck at future cons,
Kat
Hey Gary
Great to see another blog, I love reading your entries you have such a great sense of humour!!!!
And I wouldn't worry to much about the whole phone calls thing, I think from now on you will find you have a lot of fans requesting calls!!!
Keep up the good work
Hugs
Erin
Jonesy,
This sounds exactly like an experience that would happen to me. You make it sound hilarious in your blog. I know what my wife is getting me for my birthday now.
See you on SG-1!
Rob
Gary,
As someone who was at that 'Motor City' Convention, I have to say I was disappointed at where the celebrites were located... but I was extremely happy to see you there and to spend a few moments speaking with you! :)
I'm so glad I've stuck to reading these blogs!
I'm not sure but, is it ok to laugh out loud at someone elses unfourtunate events such as those you've written for us. |And I'm curious, because of the length of the blog, did you happen to write it at the 'con' whilst waiting for a fan to happen by your table (via Tom and on the way to Cathy)
I think one of my favourite descriptions of people who like to build their muscles up to the extreme now is....'The muscles at the back of his neck look like a massive wheel of cheese'......that still has me giggling....if you ever have a un-eventful con such as that one again, I would suggest you read out loud your blogs, thats sure to win over the crowd...recognised or otherwise!
Or set up a table next to Cathy Gerber,
Don't worry too much about it. Lots of TV shows fans never go to conventions. Unless you are a die hard fan those are really expensive, not to mention when there is a trip to get there.
Besides maybe you didn't get any request because this website you signed with isn't well known ? Never heard about it myself before today.
well, if i get money, im going to pay that site and you can call me or my sister and wish us happy birthday.
I don't know if this will make you feel better (or if you even need that)... but I never heard of Kathy Garver of Family Affair...
I saw you back in December 2005 on the GermanCityCon and I thought you were great. So I'd have hung out around your table all the time if I'd been in Detroit.
You definitely need to shout out the "Chevron One ... Locked, Chevron Two... Locked..." routine next time you're in a similar situation. If I had been there and heard/seen you doing that at an empty table to an audience of no one... I would have fallen on the floor laughing. (Of course, if I had been there, I would have recognized your name and hung out at your table all day.)
Keep up the blogging Jonesy.
Poor Gary. It's comforting to know that even big stars get dumped on sometimes. I've been there too, at a booth representing a company that no one was interested in. Life is not always what we expect.
But you are on a hit T.V show that seems to keep going and going and going. That's gotta be cool. We love ya Gary.
- Arctic Goddess (the Alberta Advantage - yeah right)
Oh Gary, I'm so sorry, that sounds terrible...
Altough your Blogs are hilarious (this one was no eception!) it somehow made me sad!
Come back to Germany, you were great and SO funny! I would have been stuck at your table, really :)...I think i'm too young, but what the heck is Family Affair...I'm 16, I think that was long bevore my time!
We all love you :)
Gary you rule man! Like your comments on the DVD's as well! greets!
o.O If I had known about it earlier, you'd be calling my house all the time! We'd practically be best buddies by now ;) heheh. Hmm...let's see, when's my birthday already? I'm sure I can suggest to my family that I'd really like a call from a certain guys who looks reasonably good in a jumpsuit...
Actually CAthy Garver is on page 2. Heh
Good work on the show. I especially liked you in the 2010 episode.
Hope they give you some more screen time in season 10.
You poor shmuck!
KJC (who'd pay $100 to engage you in phone sex)
"kabuki deathmask"...that's priceless! *Ahem* Anyway...
Aw. If I had the money I would definitely pay for a phone call from you. Curse my "poor college student" status! And I would definitely go to your table first thing (and stay there, because at a convention like that you would probably be the only reason I went in the first place!). I love you, Gary! I think you're great. God bless.
Love,
Sarah
P.S. When I saw Santa Clause 2 and you came on screen I was watching it with my mom and I screamed, "That's Gary Jones!" I was very excited...
Sarah
What name will your character have in series 10?
As TWIC don't seem to be able to make up their minds, I'm thinking it'll be something like Lieutenant Norman Walter Harriman-Davis. ::rolls eyes::
I do think he's due a promotion though. 8-)
Best wishes,
Sue/Alphekka/Minerva/Hatshepsut ;-)
--
Oh, man! My roommate's birthday was a few weeks ago, and had I known about that calling thing, I'd totally have had you call her. I mean, she bought a panic button for the sole reason that it makes the same sound as the "Unscheduled Off-World Activation" alarm on Stargate! She'd have gotten a thrill out of you saying "Chevron Seven Locked" or anything on her phone. ::giggles on and on::