Thursday, February 23, 2006
MORE CRAFT SERVICE THAN ACTUAL CRAFT
Hey:
Continuing on with some Steve Bacic stylings, the guy wrote a film and asked me to be in it. So many people have seen what I do and ask me how they, too, can get into film and television acting. I always tell them to start at the bottom and do student films and pay your dues and blah, blah, blah. What I never include in the speech is, buy a house on the same street as Steve Bacic and wait for him to stroll shirtless up to your house and ask you to be in his film.
The day Steve asked me, there was tons going on at my place and I was busy herding kids or putting out a garage fire or something and Steve said, "So, Jonesy, I wrote this film and there's this part and I was wondering--"
"Yeah, yeah. I'll do it," I barked. I'm not sure if I even made eye contact. I just figured that I know how hard it is to make a film and when you do you call all your friends and they do it for free because there's no money. Plus I was busy trying to find the fire extinguisher.
"There's--" Steve said.
"No money," I finished.
"You cool with that?" Steve said.
"Sure. Just tell me where and when," I said.
"Great. My production manager will be in touch," said Steve walking away. "Oh," he turned, "you wanna know what the part is?"
"Whatever," I said, "I'll still do it."
"Okay, it's the part of the gay acting teacher, Mr. So and so, who puts a gun in his mouth and blows his head off," said Steve.
Pause.
Mr. So and so? Gay? Gun in my mouth?
I mean, what are you gonna do? I couldn't back out after being so cavelier. And really, when else am I going to see what a gun in my mouth feels like? Certainly not at a gun store. I was in.
The call came later. On the day, I arrived downtown at the public parking lot that I'd been told to show up at. Now bear in mind that Steve had told me that no actors were getting paid, all camera equipment and crew gak was either donated or on a greatly reduced daily rate. He spoke of how this film was pretty much out of his own pocket and that's why I agreed to do it for free.
So, you'll understand then, my confusion at arriving at the parking lot to discover a herd of massive star wagons taking up half the place. I saw them from a block and a half away and I'm like, "How the hell did Bacic manage to score these mega-trailers?" It had the look of a multi-million dollar-budgeted feature film, not something that Steve Bacic had bank-rolled with the coins from under the floormats of his mini-van.
I walked into the crew parking lot with conflicted thoughts. "I can't believe he's rented these monster star-wagons," was doing battle with, "I can't wait to see the size of my own personal monster star-wagon." Guess which one won?
Right.
So the first thing I do is go up to the catering truck and order me a monster, star-wagon breakfast. Fresh squeezed O.J., a fruit smoothie, a breakfast burrito with the works and a bucket of mocha java. I figured that if Steve was bank-rolling this, it could all evaporate at any second so the least I can do is cram about 19 pounds of brekkie into me before it all gets snatched away.
Usually, when I work on a film, I get a call sheet ahead of time but I didn't get one on Steve's film because when money's tight, call sheets are suddenly considered a luxury. I didn't even know who else was in the film I'd agreed to do script unseen. But you have to know I was mighty impressed with whatever mojo, cash or not, that Steve Bacic had going on to bring in star wagons and uber-catering. I was figuring to change in a bathroom somewhere and share in a box of donuts so this was fantastic.
So, anyway, there I was taking my time garfing down this breakfast and watching all the crew and teamsters running around. Well, okay, the teamsters weren't running around. I think they were driving around on golf carts or something. Something motorized, anyway. Finally, I decide to go get changed in my luxury suite so I spot someone with a headset on and flag him down.
In between mouthfuls of breakfast burrito I go, "Hi, I'm Gary Jones, one of the actors and I'm working today." Ever friendly, as they always are, he goes, "Okay, Mr. Gary Jones, let's see here." He pulls out his call sheet and scans it. "Huh," he says, "Don't see your name here. You sure you're working today?" I assured him that I was, that I'd gotten a call and it was definitely today. So he checks the call sheet again and still can't find my name. Then he says, "What character are you playing?"
"Mr. So and so."
"You'll have to give me more than that."
"No, the character's name is Mr. So and so."
Blank look.
"You know, the gay acting teacher who sticks a gun in his mouth and blows his head off."
Blank look.
Finally, I say, "Can I have a look at that call sheet?"
I was on the wrong movie set. I had been mooching food off the wrong movie set. I knew that when I saw either "Ice Cube" or "Ice T" on the list of actors in this multi-million dollar-budgeted film. It was Ice somebody. Could've been Ice Cream or Ice Tray or that Jewish rapper Ice Berg. The point was, I wasn't in this film.
I then did the only thing any actor in my position would've done. I whispered to the guy with the headset, "Can I keep the burrito?"
His reply of, "Knock yourself out," did nothing to prop up my flagging dignity at that point.
Minutes later I was happily changing in a cramped bathroom stall while munching on a jelly donut supplied by actor/writer/producer Steve Bacic.
Hands up, who wants acting lessons?
Cheers,
Jonesy
Posted by jonesy @ 1:22 PM
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Gary has co-starred on Stargate SG-1 as
*hand up*
MEEEEEEEEEEEEE!
Hee hee hee.
Having met Steve a couple of times at Dragon*Con, the stories involving him have a second layer of hilarity to them.
This blog is like crack. :)
Thanks again, Jonesy!
That was SOOO funny! You gave me my giggle for the day. See you in Vancouver in March!
Lynn
i'll take a couple acting lessons as long as their free. jonesey funny as usual. i always enjoy reading your blog.
I'm serious, you need to write a book with all this good stuff in your head. I'd buy it...or 6.
HAHAHA!
Funny as always Jonesy!
Seriously, your life reads so well... =D
-Jen
your blog just about has me falling off my chair from laughing so hard. good work on the food score ;)
Caz
so glad no-ones in the room to see me giggle inanely.
Burrito and a Jelly donught! sweet.
Will have this in the back of my mind when I do indeed see Steve at a con.
J
LMAO!
Oh goodness me! I am just laughing like a loon here sitting in front of my computer at 3 am! Too funny!
OH MY ...
whaaaat the hell?!
this knocked me out - I just cracked up!
and hell yeah, *raising hands* me wants acting lessons big time!
hehehehe... I can so imagine the "BLANK LOOK" you got, when saying gay-teacher-gun-in-mouth... yeahdiyeah!
hilarious
thanx a lot!!!
Oh god.....delivers as usual, holds up the score card "10"
*raises both hands in the air*
~Kait
Hi, Gary. I just read through all your posts. Hysterical! I get an image of big, bad Camy in his leathers being suckered by a little boy.
Although I'm not wild about this season, Stargate isn't Stargate without RDA, I had to stand up and cheer at the beginning of the season when Walter spouted out his full rank and name. That was wonderful! I love your character, Gary; Walter is the gate-god who keeps the light burning for the teams. Those poor Generals wouldn't know what to do without their gate-god.
Michele
(a lost Seattle-ite in the deserts of Arizona)
BWAAHAAAAHAAAA!! *snort*
There's nothing eloquent to be said...that was friggin funny...and oh so embarassing. But at least you got a burrito out of the deal. Free food is free food.
Tss Fan Says:
so is Steve Bacic always running around shirtless in your mind? I cant imagin running around vancouver outdoors without a shirt on... ever.
But the real question is, Which was the more memorable experience, stealing a breakfast burrito from vanilla Ice or chewing on the gun?
I'll have to keep in mind that the stinging humiliations of life can generally be blunted by the liberal application of breakfast burritos :)
You teach me so much, Jonesy, Sir--really you do *sniffle*
I love working on low/no-budget indie features. Everybody's there for the love of the craft, rather than a love for the paycheck that'll help pay for the Jag they've got sitting in the driveway.
KJC (who has a KIA Rio sitting in her driveway)
Eh - Steve's been pulling your leg - he played two different characters, one the genetically identical descendant of the other - not one character with different names.
Does your wife complain a lot about living in the same street as Steve Bacic?
Gay teacher, eh? :-)
Next time you see Steve, ask him why he isn't wearing his cowboy hat anymore. Or better yet, if he is...ask him if he has seen "Brokeback Mountain".
Funny stuff!
Holy crap that's funny. I 'laughed out loud' and everything. :P
I'd just like to thank you, Gary for mentioning Steve Bacic shirtless, and gosh if you can work him into another story shirtless, please do! Hope you got the fire out. I'd have kept the burrito too.
Thanks for sharing these wonderful stories! Looking forward to more.
I should really learn to stop drinking while reading your blogs. I hope it makes you happy that I choked on my ice water during the whole name change entry. Come on, admit it, you know it does...
I love your blogs, please keep them coming!
Fantastic! I have to say, once I found your blog I couldn't stop. Your stories are just hilarious. Timing, expression, everything is spot-on. You have great comedic talent. You really should write a book; I'd definitely buy it. I always enjoy your character on Stargate and will even more now!
>_< That must have been so embarassing for you! Personally, I would have turned around and ran like hell and gotten a new job pronto >.<
Ooh, I have a question for you if that's ok... If you had to write your own epitaph, what would you write?
I love your blog. Some people just have a natural sense of humor, and you are definitely one of them! I agree with whoever wrote that you should write a book, because I would definitely buy it. It doesn't even have to be Stargate related; your life seem so interesting and, no doubt, hilarious. Ever consider writing a biography? : )
I'll second Kelly, above. Nice to know that real, trained actors will do no-budget indies, just like us "wannabes" out in Middle America. (I had bits in two indies shot in Texas last year, neither has yet been screened for cast.)
Gilder in San Antonio
I have to join the masses and say that I am thoroughly enjoying these blogs.
At this point I think you could write about the weather and it would make me laugh!
Much appreciation ;-)
I love you man, these blogs are the best
Heya Jonesy,
i just saw your appearance in The L Word... great stuff... LOL... i really love reading your blogs!!!! wooohooooo!!!!
cant wait to see you in season ten!!!!
Lexa
And once more I am smiling and feeling the rush of endorphins supplied by Gary Jones.
Gary: Shhhh don't tell anyone- I'm an endorphin pusher!
docgwen: My word as a Garyfan nary a word spoken out loud. (typed maybe LOL)
So once again a trip to Gary's Blog leaves me laughing.
So um when does your character Harriman get to go through the stargate and lead a team and rescue everyone with his ubertechnitian skills! BTW- remember Picard was sexy, Teli Savalis was sexy and um so was Christopher Judge when he had his distinquished look! ;) LOL
BTW my hand is not up for acting lessons. I want to follow cooper around and ask for writing lessons! LOL No hope, no hope.
Ah, you always know how to brighten my day through stories of your embarrassment....Thankee Jonsey, two thumbs up!
~nat~
Gary would be an awesome correspondent on The Daily Show.
This is just hilarious! Wish you could blog daily, it's a high-point in my net travels. :)
McK
LOL What a story.
Awww. You're the greatest. So did Steve Bacic come up with an official name for the movie yet?
The name of Steve Bacic's movie is Teacher.
I just feel off my chair laughing. LMAO