Yes I see you !! Running around in happiness and joy that I have posted another post ...you dear readers reader, are the reason I am here

Today I was thinking about perception. How do I perceive other people? How do other people perceive me? How does one person perceive another?

These questions has been on my mind for a little while, but more prominent today. A while back I needed to mod some various threads for various reasons. However, I went into the threads with one perception and came out with another.

In one thread I had always thought all of the folks were fairly adult and we never had much trouble with them over the long haul. So I went in thinking "Ok, I will snip here and there to remove the violation and move on out.
Imagine my surprise when I started to read Slowly I was basically becoming appalled at the rudeness, the disrespect and the number of posts I was having to make edits to. This was a thread we just had never had to much problem with....no reports, no heads up that this was happening...nothing.... so why in the world was this going on unnoticed. Well as I read I found out there was a *bully* in the thread that had a *Posse* and they had basically taken over the thread so other folks just didn't care to be there any more. Then a new person would post be welcomed and THEN after just a few posts they were being informed how they HAD to post in that thread.. I was amazed...I had always thought of most of these folks as really nice easy going folks. My perception had been completely wrong of these folks and I was taken aback that I even HAD a perception in the first place.

Then I went into the second thread...one that is perceived to be filled with troublemakers and despots. I read post after post and had to delete quite a few. However it wasn't rudeness or disrespect. It was just plain blatant violations. So the posts were removed and I thought "Geez these folks are just looking to be closed down." But I was once again surprised that my perception was off base. Not only did the majority of the thread clean up their act IMMEDIATELY, I was able to read more of what was actually going on in the thread on a more regular basis. Real friendships, thoughtful if misinformed discussions and just plain fun...

Whats even more interesting to me is I have had to spend more time re-enforcing the rules in the former thread than I have in the latter. Yet the latter thread is the one perceived as the *Bad Kids* while the former was supposedly *Good Kids*. Talk about a complete change in perception!

Too often I think we do judge a poster by just a *few* posts. Sometimes we are definitely going to be proved right and they truly are an immature git. But at other times ..if the time is taken, you might find out you were pleasantly wrong in your perception.

Taking this question into daily life I began to look around me at the people I interact with on a daily basis. Who else had I judged wrongly? The more time I spent actually talking with a few and observing others made me realize that I had hit the mark on some but completely missed it on others.

Then I looked at the youth I interact with in the same manner. Then I started asking questions of them as well. How do you perceive your friends? How do you perceive yourself? The answers I got were EXTREMELY enlightening. The group of guys my son hangs with range in age from 19-24 (there are 6 of them) and some things stuck out in their answers.

1) The girls that try to act like them, talking nasty, cussing, overly *tough chicks* came off to them as girls who had no self-respect.
2) Guys who tried to be *cool* and talk disrespectfully to/of girls came off to them as complete insecure jerks.
3) Drugs and alcohol are stupid if you want to actually have a life and be somebody. There is time enough to buy the beer but at this age they just get stupid and drunk.

I was somewhat surprised at how candid they were in discussing their past history ( ages 15-18) and many of the stupid things they had done because they thought it was *cool* and as they get older they see it as just plain stupid.
Girls were the biggest factor. They really talked about that (grin) and what they seriously want in a girl for them to want to date her. Surprisingly enough...it wasn't the sexy, openly sexual girls they went for. Why you ask? Well to quote them "If she is that way with me before hand...she will be that way with any guy even when I am with her."

I have always thought all of them were good guys, they have had their ups and downs between the 6 of them. But what I perceived of them was quite different of what they perceived of each other and of themselves. We were all surprised that some things changed after that discussion and respect was a by-product.

Talking with girls is a bit of a different animal. Girls tend to be more self-centered. So in discussions with my daughter and some of her friends ...in the past made me realize just how insecure many of our female society is. They perceive each other almost always as *better* than the other girl thinks of herself. Females tend to look at each other with emotional perception. They also judge people based on their own mood.

Looking back at those conversations now makes me realize just how wrong girls are about themselves and how badly it can hurt them as they act on that skewered perception of themselves.
I wish I had a neat list for the girls but I don't, sadly girls have a tendency to keep being self-centered until they are much older and they don't really have a clear view of what they want, know or how to really act. It does come into focus more as they grow into women and have to deal with life in general. But at the ages of 15-18... in general, they are just relying on the reactions they get from others to direct their way of behaving, thus creating false perceptions all over the place.

I am being pretty specific to the people I have talked with and just applying it in a general way :-) There are always exceptions to everything and I most certainly am no expert on human behavior.

I was just truly surprised that I was one of the masses pre-judging folks based on very little information.

My words of wisdom out of all of this?
well, for the Forum in general....don't think you are so superior to anyone else...you aren't, there is always someone smarter :o). Don't make mass assumptions about *groups*. You might be pleasantly surprised and feel like a fool for thinking the way you did in the first place. Stop thinking that YOUR way of thinking is the only way. The very fact that we are created as thinking individuals should be your first clue that you are not the center of the universe and your opinions are NOT the only ones that matter.

For the kids under 18, All of you.. you may think you know something about life because you have made decisions above your age and been burned in some way. Trust me you don't know anything about life..all you know is that you are making bad decisions and its biting you in the butt! Stop trying to be older than you are, stop trying to do things that you don't have the *emotional maturity* to actually deal with. And for goodness sake stop thinking that just because you like someone a heck of alot that you are *in love*. Love has many ups and downs...its being there when the poo hits the fan BIG time, its being there when its mundane and its NOT all about sex. Its about sharing all of your major happiness and your major downsides and understanding how to put that person before yourself in all ways. Its the laundry, the trash, the bills and all of the day to day stuff that makes a couple understand their love.

That giddiness you feel when he walks into a room... that rush you feel when you see her walking up to you....thats wonderful in the beginning of a relationship. That is the infatuation of love...but REAL love CAN grow from that. However it doesn't always happen that way and if you are to busy trying to hold on to something that isn't real, you may miss the real thing when it comes along. And if you are so busy *giving away* the one thing you have to offer...the real thing may not want you.

boys... take time to make friends with everyone, respect everyone, and listen to your Mother (or a good female role-model) when it comes to the girls..NOT your friends LOLOLOL, they haven't got a clue about girls. Demand respect for yourself and those around you. Becoming a man isn't tied to your age. It's tied to your character and your actions. I know boys that are in their 40's and I would never refer to them as "Men". Take responsibility for your own actions and your life. Step up with some fiber in your character.

girls.... stop letting society dictate who you are, stop letting the other girls dictate who you are...YOU are a wonderful human being no matter what..its only up to you to believe it and decide to make everyone else acknowledge it. Demand respect from yourself first and it will follow from others... you can trust me on this ..or you could try it and find out for yourself...it really is true...I prefer to find things out for myself and I know the fact that I demand certain things from myself, others fall in line :-)

For all of the adults.... try teaching the younger ones by example. No one says you can't have fun, but don't cross lines with kids. Don't lead them to think this is allowed behavior for anyone. One of the reason so many of our teenagers are the way they are is because adults act like it is ok for a kid of 16 to do and say some of the most vile things on the Internet. Speak up when you see a kid doing and saying things that truly are inappropriate for their age. Don't just laugh it off.

In a few years that very well could be your son or daughter that is talking like that to another *adult*..... be the example.

One thing I noticed in all of this, is some folks want to be perceived as *cool* or *hip*. While others want to be perceived as fun but respectful of those around them..
The *cool* folks...really haven't looked past their own desires...while the "Fun" folks seem to really think about the ramifications of their own actions.

I know from now on, I will be paying closer attention to what perceptions I am giving as well as being a lot slower to have preconceived notions of anyone.........

and that Gaterites...is "Enlightenment Tame Style"..........see ya on the flip side