To go or Not to go - That is the question

"Morning, Sam."

"Hi, Daniel. What are you doing this morning?"

"Dropping by to see my favorite astrophysicist?"

"And looking for a pot of coffee already brewed?"

"That might be part of it." Daniel smiled a big beaming grin full of pearly white teeth.

"Have I told you recently that you need to spend less time with Colonel O'Neill?"

"No, but maybe that's because you've been spending less time with him, with us."

"Us?"

"SG-1."

"Daniel, we work together almost everyday."

"I'm not talking about work." Daniel filled his mug from her coffee pot.

"You three kept telling me to get a life outside the SGC. Don't tell me now that I have one you want me to stop."

"Of course not. I just wish that life overlapped a bit more with our lives."

"You want me to start bringing Pete over to Colonel O'Neill's for team nights?"

"Sure." Sam rolled her eyes and gave an exasperated sigh. "Why not?" Daniel gave her his best innocent face.

"I just get the feeling that Colonel O'Neill doesn't want to have to deal with Pete. His presence alone restricts what we can discuss. I also think Pete would feel out of place."

"Pete knows about the program so why would his presence restrict our conversations?"

"He knows the basics but he doesn't have the clearance to know about most of what we do. I'm also not really ready to tell him just how much danger I find myself in on a regular basis."

"Keeping secrets?"

"Isn't that the basis for every normal adult relationship, especially for those of us connected with the SGC?"

"I suppose, but I thought you wanted something more then that?"

"I'm just trying to be realistic."

"Reality can bite, huh?"

"Yeah, have a good day. I hope your coffee is ready soon!" Daniel left Sam's lab while giving her a wave and a smirk.

*

SG-1 was called to briefing room about 1400 hours. When they arrived, they found the General already talking to Colonel Marks, commander of one of the diplomatic teams. After all the necessary introductions, they took their seats.

"Thank-you all for coming so quickly. Colonel Marks has just returned from delivering the news about your theory Major and the wizened gentleman was intrigued. At this point, he has not accepted your theory but he is willing to let you be reevaluated. He still insists that his people can not have diplomatic relations with Earth as long as he believes that you are being untrue to yourself."

"Are you ordering me to return, sir?"

"No, Major. It is your decision and I won't accept your answer now. I want you to carefully think about this. If you return and he still senses a problem then we may have no chance to enter into any type of diplomatic discussions, now or in the future. If you return and convince him that your relationships are based on the best of intentions then we might be able to develop a very beneficial relationship. If you choose not to return I doubt we will permanently jeopardize our chances of having a future relationship."

"I understand, sir."

"Then you are all dismissed until tomorrow at 1500."

*

She heard the knock on her door and waited a moment, without responding, assuming her visitor would walk through the cracked open door. When no one appeared she decided to speak up.

"Come in."

"Good afternoon, Major Carter."

"Teal'c. It's good to see you."

"Thank-you."

"Are you just stopping by to be friendly or is there a purpose for your visit."

"Although I am not opposed to just being friendly I do indeed have a purpose for this visit."

"Which is?" Sam couldn't help but grin at the stoic and serious face he wore.

"I wanted to offer to help you mediate."

"Meditate?"

"Yes, I believe meditation will help you to look within yourself for the answers you need."

"Thanks, Teal'c but I doubt that is necessary."

"So you already know the answer you will give General Hammond tomorrow?"

"Well....not really, no."

"Then please consider taking my suggestion. Daniel Jackson has found our meditation sessions to be very beneficial. I am sure that you would also appreciate the cleansing effect they would have upon your mind." Sam sighed. She had been pondering her answer for a couple of hours and she hadn't been making any real progress. Maybe this would be worth a try.

"Alright, I'll take you up on your offer. When would be a good time?"

"If you would like to have dinner together in an hour we can retire to my quarters afterwards."

"Sounds good." Teal'c nodded once and left her to finish her work.

*

As Teal'c opened the door Sam looked around. Teal'c had an area, just big enough for two, filled with pillows in the center of his floor surrounded by candles. Sam looked around as Teal'c began lighting the many candles. Teal'c motioned for her to sit across from him.

"Close your eyes Major Carter." Sam sat cross-legged, with her hands relaxed in her lap and her eyes closed.

"Clear your mind. Make it empty." Teal'c heard a soft snort. "I know this will not be easy for you Major Carter but it is an important first step." Teal'c gave her several moments to clear her busy mind. When he heard her breathing slow he proceeded.

"Picture a calm, clear, blue lake surrounded by a still meadow." The image Sam created in her mind was peaceful and relaxing.

"As you sit by the lake, look around you. In the meadow, you will see the things that are most important in your life. To your right are your hopes and desires for you future. To your left are your fondest memories." Sam looked to her left. She saw her parents hugging her and her brother as children. They were standing in front of a Christmas tree. She saw her best friend from junior high school. She saw her high school physics instructor and the award winning project she completed her senior year. There were several people from the SGC and her gate travels milling about, like Martouf. Both the stargate and a naquada reactor were sitting amongst other treasured items, like her bike. Daniel and Teal'c were in the forefront, looking at her with a mix of brotherly love and respect.

It gave her great pleasure to take a few moments to bask in her past. She had led an amazing life and she was richer for it. She turned her head to her right. There was a man sitting at the edge of the lake fishing and two children swimming in the lake. She couldn't see their faces. She stood up and walked over to them. As she got closer to the man, she knelt down behind him and put her arms around his neck. Her chin rested on his shoulder.

"Hey, Mom! Wanna come for a swim?" The brown haired boy smiled a toothy grin at Sam. She thought the extra big looking front teeth made him just adorable! His younger sister had an equally happy look on her face as she doggie paddled nearby. Her swim vest kept her tilted to her left side so she went in circles as she happily paddled around.

"Maybe in a few minutes, hon." Sam turned her head to give her husband a kiss on the cheek. She felt his head rotate as he moved his head so he could catch her lips with his. The kiss sent electric shocks through Sam. As she pulled back, she looked into his eyes.

Sam shot up. Teal'c's eyes opened quickly in surprise.

"Major Carter, is there a problem?"

"I gotta go." Sam had to restrain herself to not run down the hall towards the elevator. She didn't even stop back by her lab before grabbing her stuff from her locker and going to her car.

*

"Morning Teal'c. How did the mediating with Sam go last night?"

"I do not think it went well. She left before we finished. She seemed very disturbed."

"She didn't tell you what happened?"

"No." Daniel looked concerned. He knew Sam was almost as good as Jack was at hiding feelings. He hoped this hadn't pushed her too far. Daniel looked for Sam in her lab and the locker room after breakfast. He wasn't able to find her all morning. He asked Jack and Teal'c at lunch if they had seen her. They both admitted to looking for her that morning but neither of them had been able to find her.

At 1500 hours, the three male members of SG-1 and General Hammond were waiting in the briefing room when Major Carter entered. Jack, Daniel, and Teal'c had expected her to look tired and worried. They were all surprised to see her looking refreshed, happy, and calm.

"Good afternoon, Major. Please be seated." Sam sat down beside Jack. He gave her a strange look that said 'what's up'. She smiled back saying 'everything is great'. Now he was really confused!

"Have you made a decision about returning to be reexamined, Major?" The General hadn't missed the looks exchanged between the Colonel and Major.

"Yes, sir. I would appreciate the opportunity to set the record straight, sir."

"Are you sure that is what would happen, Major?"

"Yes, sir." Sam looked at Teal'c and gave him a slight nod of appreciation and a smile.

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