Transcript by Callie Sullivan
ATLANTIS. Doctor Elizabeth Weir is walking with Teyla Emmagan who is geared up for an offworld mission. They are on their way from Elizabeth's office into the Control Room.
WEIR: This hero you speak of -- he doesn't happen to have a name, does he?
TEYLA: No. The Athosian who spoke to me of his deeds simply referred to him as a great hero of the town -- a warrior who possesses almost superhuman-like powers.
(Ronon Dex joins the pair of them as they walk down the stairs into the Gateroom.)
WEIR: Well, we've sent teams to this planet before.
TEYLA: They're good traders and kind people.
WEIR: I don't recall there being many superheroes.
DEX (smiling): Sounds like one of my people.
WEIR: Well, whoever it is, it'd be nice to have someone like that on our side.
(Lieutenant Colonel John Sheppard and Doctor Carson Beckett are waiting for them as they reach the Gateroom.)
SHEPPARD: Provided the rumour's true. Sounds to me like someone's imagination's running a little wild.
TEYLA: As I said, my fellow Athosian who spoke to me of this hero saw him in action against several armed men.
DEX (nonchalantly): I do that all the time.
SHEPPARD: Where's McKay?
McKAY (offscreen): I'm here, I'm here.
(The team turns to face Doctor Rodney McKay as he walks in.)
McKAY: I just had to get my autograph book in case Teyla's superhero turned out to be the real deal.
WEIR: Well, at the very least, see if you can establish trade relations with the townspeople.
TEYLA: We will.
(Elizabeth turns and looks up into the Control Room.)
WEIR: Dial the Gate.
PLANET. We get an overhead shot of the town, which has brick buildings surrounding a town square. Viewers who've seen the SG-1 episode "Revisions" will get a serious attack of deja-vu. Meanwhile, the team is walking through a nearby park towards the town. As they go, some of the townspeople stand nearby and watch them without any apparent fear. They are dressed somewhat similarly (but not ominously similarly) to the Genii in "Underground" when they were masquerading as simple farmers.
SHEPPARD: My childhood hero was Evel Knievel.
TEYLA: Was he not evil?
SHEPPARD: No, that was just his name. He was a daredevil ... which isn't a kind of a devil, he just jumped motorcycles over things.
SHEPPARD: Just because. Didn't always make it, either.
TEYLA: And you greatly admired this behaviour?
SHEPPARD: No, I just ... Look, at least my hero is human. McKay's is Batman!
McKAY (appreciatively): Mmm. Misunderstood and un-appreciated by many, his most formidable weapon was the power of his brilliant mind. Not just a hero -- a superhero.
BECKETT: Dougie Angus Wood, the Highland Giant. Not only a hero but a legend in Scotland.
DEX: The Marke Hartoren -- my first unit commander. He once fought and killed twelve enemy soldiers, gutting them with his bare hands. He was also a funny guy, too!
McKAY: Yes, I can imagine the jokes and the entrail slime.
(The team walks into the town where a group of four townspeople is talking. They see the team and turn to greet them.)
AMARIS: Good day, travellers.
TEYLA (smiling): Good day to you.
AMARIS: This is your first visit to our village?
TEYLA: Several of my people have said that you are good and fair traders.
AMARIS: We are.
TEYLA: My fellow Athosians also speak of a great hero who protects this town.
DEX: Rumour has it he's a warrior with some impressive kills to his credit, including the Wraith.
AMARIS: This is true. (He smiles.)
DEX (grinning): Then, uh, there's a good chance he is one of my people.
(John throws him a look.)
Teyla (to Amaris): Can you take us to him?
AMARIS: Of course. (He gestures.) This way.
(He walks off. The team follows him.)
TOWN SQUARE. A large group of townspeople is gathered, laughing hilariously at something. Amaris brings the team into the square.
AMARIS: Here he is -- the mightiest of heroes. Our champion protector ...
(The townspeople part and the team sees the man for the first time.)
AMARIS: ... Lucius Lavin.
(Lucius is sitting on a table with his feet on a bench. He is the centre of attention of the townspeople. He grins at the team as they approach.)
LUCIUS: Well! Will you look who it is?!
(Ronon's head drops in disbelief.)
DEX: You've got to be kidding me!
OPENING CREDITS. RESUME LATER. Lucius is telling the enthralled townspeople one of his tall tales. John is slumped in a chair, chewing a piece of grass.
LUCIUS: As I lay there, the iratus bug's tendrils just grasping my throat, choking me, I could feel my very life essence ebb and wane. With every passing second, I could feel myself drawing closer to death.
(Ronon is sitting on the table beside Lucius, his head in his hand. Carson is standing on the other side of Lucius. Teyla and Rodney are sitting on chairs nearby, both slumped in a position of boredom and disbelief.)
LUCIUS: Now, had I been the only one in that building -- the only one in that burning building ...
(Ronon raises his head briefly out of his hand and makes a despairing gesture towards John as if to say, "Let me kill him now!")
LUCIUS: ... I would have surrendered and allowed sleep to overtake me. But there were women and children there with me whose very survival lay in my hands, and I'm not about to let them down.
(John looks pointedly at his watch.)
LUCIUS: So I reached deep down within me and I summoned whatever strength I had and I grabbed that bug and I ripped him away, and through sheer force of will I began to choke him and strangle ... ow, ow!
(Carson has just stuck a needle into Lucius' arm to draw a blood sample.)
LUCIUS: Ow! Ow! Thought you said that wasn't gonna hurt!
BECKETT: I lied. (He pulls the needle out.)
(Carson bends Lucius' arm up to hold the swab in place over the puncture mark. Lucius resumes his story but is a little distracted by his sore arm.)
LUCIUS: And I -- I sprang up and I led them all to safety.
(The townspeople cheer and applaud.)
LUCIUS: Thank you very much! Thank you! I appreciate it. Thanks very much.
(John waits for the applause to die down a little, then takes the piece of grass out of his mouth.)
SHEPPARD: How'd you lead the people to safety?
DEX: You said the way out was blocked.
(Lucius gives him a look.)
LUCIUS: Oh, you were listening. That's good, that's good -- because it was. (He looks at the townspeople.) It was blocked -- until I cleared a path through the burning wreckage ...
(The townspeople gasp in awe.)
LUCIUS: ... and, ignoring the searing heat and the flames that were just swirling and swirling ...
SHEPPARD: But how did you, uh ...?
LUCIUS: OK. That's enough reminiscing for today. (The townspeople groan.) Believe me, there's plenty more where that story came from, so when we gather tomorrow, I'll tell you about how I was almost seduced by a beautiful Ancient!
(The townspeople murmur excitedly as the gathering breaks up and the people move away to get back to their daily routine.)
BECKETT: Sounds entertaining(!)
LUCIUS: Yeah, you'd think so, but between you and me, not so much.
SHEPPARD: You know, your stories are awfully fascinating, and familiar.
LUCIUS: Alright. (He checks to make sure that none of the townspeople are in earshot.) I admit -- I took some inspiration from some of the mission reports that I perused while I was on Atlantis, but I spiced ‘em: a little story here, bit of a story there ...
BECKETT (to the team): Alright, I'm done here.
LUCIUS: Well, you're not gonna find any trace of that special herb in my system. I learned my lesson the last time, thanks to all of you.
TEYLA (cynically): You mean these people are not drugged -- they simply adore you for who you are?!
LUCIUS: Yeah. (He grins at her.) Innit great?
(John rolls his eyes. Lucius' smile fades.)
LUCIUS: You don't believe me.
BECKETT: Well, Lucius, I have a lab set up, so I think I'll just run the tests anyway.
LUCIUS: You're wasting your time. In all modesty, these people love me, pure and true.
SHEPPARD: Lucius, you can't say anything modestly!
LUCIUS: I saved them.
(The team exchange sarcastic glances.)
LUCIUS: A couple of months ago this bunch of ruffians come into town, start causing trouble. I beat ‘em up, I chase ‘em away, and all of a sudden I'm the town hero. They give me gifts; the women are throwing themselves at me ...
(John looks pointedly at his watch again, while Rodney shakes his head in exasperation.)
LUCIUS: ... It's like the old days, except better, because now they're not drugged.
McKAY: Hang on, hang on. So you beat them up.
LUCIUS: Yes! Me! I did!
DEX: How'd you manage that?
LUCIUS: It's not so hard ... when you're invincible. (He grins at the team.) I'm invincible.
LUCIUS: Alright. Looks like this is gonna take some convincing.
(He gets off the table and looks around the square.)
LUCIUS: Let me see.
(He notices three men straining nearby as they haul a large pallet of heavy sacks into the air on a pulley outside a building.)
LUCIUS: Hey! Time for a demonstration.
(He walks underneath the pallet as the ropes groan ominously under the weight of the sacks.)
TEYLA: What is he ...?
(As Rodney stands up to get a better look, Lucius stands underneath the pallet and waves to the men.)
LUCIUS: Let it go.
(John stands up and takes off the sunshades he's been wearing up until now. The men on the rope don't do anything for a moment.)
LUCIUS: Trust me. Trust me.
(The men release the rope and the pallet plunges towards the ground. It breaks over Lucius' head and the sacks burst, spraying flour everywhere. The villagers gasp. For a split second no-one can see what has happened to Lucius but we do see a green glow shimmer briefly amidst the cloud of flour. The cloud clears, and Lucius is standing there unharmed. The villagers cry out in awe.)
McKAY (amazed): Oh, my God!
(Nonchalantly, Lucius steps forward and looks at Ronon, pointing to his own head.)
LUCIUS: Hit me.
SHEPPARD (to Ronon): Don't!
(Grinning, Ronon gets off the table and walks towards Lucius.)
McKAY: I wouldn't! I'm telling you -- don't.
(Ignoring him, Ronon grins and squares up to Lucius, then throws a hard punch at him. His fist impacts a green glow just before it reaches his face. Ronon's face crumples in pain and he turns away, clutching his injured fist and trying not to cry out. Carson grimaces in sympathy.)
LUCIUS: See? Invincible.
(Ronon continues to clutch his hand, whining in pain.)
LUCIUS (smugly): I can't be vinced.
LATER. Lucius and the team (minus Carson) are sitting round a table in the tavern. Lucius opens his jacket and takes out a small green glowing device attached to his shirt. It is the same type of personal shield that Rodney found in "Hide and Seek." He attaches it to his jacket.
LUCIUS: As it turns out, I had this personal shield all along. It was a gift from one of my many admirers back at the old village -- you know, before I was forced to pack up and leave, thank you very much(!) Anyway, I didn't even know what it was until I went to Atlantis. I perused some of the mission reports about the Ancient device that you guys discovered ...
McKAY: You did an awful lot of perusing while you were on the base.
LUCIUS: I peruse. It's a gift.
(Rodney grimaces. Lucius looks round at the barmaid as she passes by with a jug. [On IMDB and GateWorld she's referred to as "Wench" or "Serving Wench" -- I prefer to use "Barmaid".])
LUCIUS: Hey, sweetheart. What'd you say you come by my place tonight ...?
BARMAID: No thanks.
(She starts to walk on but Lucius holds his hand out to stop her.)
LUCIUS: Wait, wait, wait, wait. I'm the town hero!
BARMAID: That was ages ago.
(She walks away. Rodney smiles as Lucius turns back to the team.)
LUCIUS: Let me tell you something. You're only as good as your last rescue.
McKAY: How is it that you're able to operate the Ancient technology without the A.T.A. gene?
LUCIUS: Oh, that was easy. All I had to do was find a guy with the gene, have him initiate the device. I mean, it took a long time but, you know, once it was done, I could activate this thing any time I wanted.
SHEPPARD: Fascinating(!) You do know those things run out of juice eventually, don't you?
LUCIUS: Come on -- these Ancient things last forever. (He grins at the team.) Look, lunch is on me. (He drops some coins onto a plate and stands up.) I'm gonna go take a walk. If I don't see you before you leave, well, then, I'll just, uh, well, I'll talk to you later.
SHEPPARD: We're not going anywhere ‘til we get those test results.
LUCIUS: Whatever you want. People to save.
(He leaves the tavern. John and Teyla both sigh.)
SHEPPARD: Well, what do you think?
TEYLA: Perhaps he's learned a lesson.
McKAY: He's Lucius! Are you kidding me?
SHEPPARD: Well, he's made a lot of mistakes in the past, but who hasn't? (He looks pointedly at Rodney.)
McKAY: Why are you looking at me?
SHEPPARD: Look, at least he's trying to do something good in order to get people to like him this time.
(Carson comes in.)
BECKETT: Well, I've completed my tests. Looks like Lucius is telling the truth. No traces of the drug in his system. He's clean.
SHEPPARD: That's our cue to leave. (He stands up.)
McKAY: Woah-whoa-whoa-whoa-whoa, wait. Am I the only person here who thinks he is taking advantage of these poor people?
SHEPPARD: C'mon, Rodney -- you just want another crack at that shield.
McKAY: You're damned right I do! Look, it could come in extremely handy.
(The rest of the team are already on their feet and start to leave the tavern.)
McKAY: It's practically wasting it!
(The team heads outside. John spots Amaris nearby.)
SHEPPARD: Where's Lucius?
AMARIS: He went out for a stroll. He should be returning shortly.
SHEPPARD: Well, whenever he gets back, tell him we said goodbye.
(They start to walk away.)
AMARIS: Uh ... um ... alright.
DEX (to John): I think we're makin' a mistake.
SHEPPARD: Well, we'll have the Athosians keep an eye on everyone. If anything gets out of control, we'll come back.
(Nearby, a woman screams in terror. Instantly the team raise their weapons and aim them in all directions as some men walk into the square aiming pistols and rifles and surround them. The men are wearing dusty brown jackets or coats. What with their clothing and their very old fashioned Earth-looking weaponry, they look like the bad guys from a cowboy movie. The townspeople cry out in alarm as the men shove them out of the way and surround Team Sheppard. The leader of the men, Haemon, points his pistol at John, Teyla and Ronon, who have put their backs to each other and are covering as much of the square as they can. Carson and Rodney are nearby, also aiming their pistols out at the bad guys.)
HAEMON: Drop your weapons or die where you stand.
(There's a long stand-off while John and the others evaluate their position.)
HAEMON: I said drop your weapons.
SHEPPARD: We're not lookin' for a fight. We're just passing through town.
DEX (quietly to John): I've got two on my right and one straight dead ahead.
SHEPPARD (equally quietly): Two at twelve o'clock and one behind the fruit stand.
BECKETT (equally quietly): If we act now, we risk injuring innocent villagers.
McKAY: And us! We risk injuring us!
DEX: I can take my three out before they get a shot off.
TEYLA: There may be others hidden where we cannot see.
(Rodney looks up at the rooftops nervously.)
DEX (to John): It's your call.
(John thinks for a moment, then speaks louder, aiming his voice at Haemon.)
SHEPPARD: Here's the thing: if we all start shootin' at each other, somebody's bound to get hurt.
(He moves slowly away from the other two, still aiming his P90. One of Haemon's cronies moves to cover him.)
SHEPPARD: I can pretty much guarantee you'll be one of ‘em.
HAEMON: Are you this hero we've heard rumours of?
(John raises his head, reluctant to say otherwise, but then decides to be honest.)
(Haemon looks around and sees the barmaid standing nearby.)
HAEMON: Come here.
(He walks over and grabs her, drags her across the square and then points his pistol at her head.)
HAEMON: Then lower your weapons.
(The team hesitates. Haemon's crony aims his pistol more pointedly at John's head. It's an old fashioned revolver and John is looking at it head-on. He realises that the barrels are empty. He shrugs.)
SHEPPARD: Trust me on this one.
(He slowly kneels down and puts his rifle on the ground. The others follow suit. Haemon's cronies run in and handcuff their hands behind their backs. Meanwhile Haemon drags the barmaid forward, still holding a gun on her.)
HAEMON: So where is this hero -- one who'd surely stop us from emptying the town's coffers, helping ourselves to its women, burning it to the ground once we're done?
(He looks around at the terrified townspeople.)
HAEMON: So tell me -- where is he?! Where is this great hero who'd keep us from destroying everything you hold dear?
LUCIUS (offscreen): He's right here!
(The townspeople gasp, then begin to applaud and cheer as Lucius walks into view. John rolls his eyes.)
LUCIUS: For I am the man you seek.
(Haemon releases the barmaid and aims his pistol at Lucius.)
HAEMON: Kill him!
(His men grab some planks of wood and rush towards Lucius. Encircling him, they start trying to hit him with the planks but Lucius just stands there with his hands on his hips, smiling as the wood shatters against his shield. Once all the wood is broken and the men pause for a moment, Lucius dramatically puts one arm behind his back and beckons to the man directly in front of him. The man runs at him and Lucius punches him to the ground, backhanding the man behind him on his backswing. Each of the other men run at him and Lucius punches each one down, tossing the last two into the walled pond in the middle of the square.)
LUCIUS: Get out! And don't come back!
(The men stumble to their feet and stagger out of the town square.)
LUCIUS: For so long as I protect these people, this town shall be safe.
(The townspeople cheer and rush towards Lucius to hug him. Team Sheppard, still on their knees and handcuffed, watch the adoration with various looks of disgust or amazement. John, the only one who knows what's going on, smiles ironically. The townspeople start up a chant of "Lucius! Lucius!")
LATER. TAVERN. Lucius, offscreen, is telling another of his stories to an enraptured audience as Team Sheppard walks in.
LUCIUS: So I finish off the last Wraith guard and I turn around and I look at the Queen and I say, "You know, if you were twenty pounds heavier, you'd look like my ex-wife."
(He laughs uproariously as the townspeople join in. The team walks over to Lucius and sees that he is sitting at the table with the barmaid happily sitting on his lap.)
LUCIUS (still laughing): I said that ‘cause she was so fat! Hey, Colonel Sheppard! Hey, come in! Sit down, sit down. (To the people sitting at the table.) Make way -- let ‘em have a seat.
(The people get up from their seats.)
SHEPPARD: No, no, we have to go.
LUCIUS: You sure? Because they're making some kind of a schnitzel in my honour tonight.
SHEPPARD: No, we've gotta get back.
LUCIUS: Oh. Well, I guess the only thing left to do is for you to thank me.
DEX: What for?
LUCIUS: For saving your lives.
(John grimaces at Ronon, then smiles falsely at Lucius.)
SHEPPARD: Thank you.
LUCIUS: Please -- it was nothing.
SHEPPARD: Yeah, it was nothing.
LUCIUS (angrily): What are you talking about, it was nothing? These people had you on your knees.
SHEPPARD: Yes, they did.
LUCIUS: Well? You're welcome.
(The team turns and leaves.)
LUCIUS (calling after them): Be careful on the way back to the Gate, because there's talk of some angry raiders in the area!
(Ronon, who has already left the tavern, turns to go back in again, shoving Rodney out of his way. John stops him.)
SHEPPARD: No, no, no, no. Let's go.
(He turns Ronon around again. Ronon sighs angrily and they head off. Inside the tavern, Lucius looks round at his people.)
LUCIUS: You know what? I think I'm gonna go out for a walk, take a look around -- make sure those ruffians are gone for good, alright?
(He stands up, then turns to the barmaid and pulls her close as she smiles at him.)
LUCIUS: Don't you worry. (He kisses her.) I'll be back.
WOODLAND. Lucius walks rapidly into the woods, checking around him frequently to make sure that nobody is following him. He walks onto a wooden bridge across a stream and pauses, again looking around cautiously. He heads on, stopping again later to check around him once more, then continues walking and eventually comes to a clearing where a small wooden building can be seen. On the grass outside the building are the bad guys. Haemon is tending to one of his men who is sitting on the ground. He stands up as Lucius approaches.
LUCIUS: Nice job, everybody! Very convincing.
HAEMON: A little too convincing. You took out three of Lanko's teeth and broke Fortnum's wrist.
(Fortnum is the man he was just tending to, who is now putting a sling around his neck to support his bound hand.)
LUCIUS: Hey, I had to make it look good. (He reaches into his inside jacket pocket.) Anyway, here's a little something that may make it worthwhile.
(He takes out a small bag and hands it to Haemon. Haemon opens it and looks inside. The bag jingles with the sound of coins.)
HAEMON: This isn't the amount we agreed on.
LUCIUS: Yeah, well, to tell you the truth, you guys didn't really seem to have your hearts in it.
HAEMON: We had a deal.
LUCIUS: Maybe next time you'll make more of an effort.
HAEMON: How dare you speak down to us? We were elite soldiers in the Genii army -- Cowen's personal guard.
LUCIUS: Yeah, you were. Now you're mercenaries. C'mon -- as far as jobs for hire go, this wasn't so bad. You come in, you scare a few people, you take a few punches, then you leave. You get paid, nobody gets hurt ... well, except for Lanko, and of course Fortnum with his gimpy wrist. (To Fortnum) Sorry about that, buddy.
HAEMON: We may have been forced from our homes when Ladon Radim took power. We're still Genii, and one of these days we'll march into the capital and retake what was ours.
LUCIUS: Yeah, well, good luck with that.
(He turns and walks away into the woods. Unseen by him or the mercenaries, Teyla is up a tree at the edge of the clearing. Underneath her, the rest of the team is crouched down in the bushes. They have heard the entire conversation.)
TOWN SQUARE. Lucius is standing with a group of townspeople, all of them laughing happily. Lucius is encouraging a small boy to try to kick him in the groin but the boy's foot hits the shield every time and everyone laughs. Lucius holds his arms out to the crowd.
LUCIUS: Please, come on! There you go, yeah! Anybody else? Anybody else wanna take a crack at me, huh?!
(As the people laugh uproariously, Team Sheppard walks back into the village.)
LUCIUS: Hey! Hey, what are you doing back here? I thought you left town?
SHEPPARD: Well, we were leaving when we ran into this gentleman who has a very interesting story to tell.
(He gestures to Fortnum, his arm now in a sling, who is brought in by Ronon. Lucius stares at him in panic, then turns nervously to the townspeople.)
LUCIUS: Uh, speaking of stories, um ... did I ever tell you the story about the time that I was on this planet made entirely of lava ...
TEYLA: There's no point in pretending, Lucius.
DEX: You lied to these people.
SHEPPARD (to the townspeople): This man's not a hero. He paid those men to show up and then made it look like he came to your rescue.
FORTNUM: It's true. It was all a set-up to make him look like he saved the town.
(Lucius bows his head. Nearby, Amaris stands up and stares angrily.)
SHEPPARD: Well, you do have every right to be upset with him.
AMARIS: Not him -- you.
AMARIS: Unable to accept the shame of surrendering to those raiders ... (he points at John) ... he chooses to besmirch our Lucius.
(The townspeople nod and murmur angrily as Lucius raises his head hopefully.)
SHEPPARD: The whole thing was an act! The guns weren't even loaded!
FRUIT STAND OWNER: If it were not for Lucius, you and your friends would all be dead.
BECKETT: No, no! He tricked you! You don't know him like we do.
McKAY: We're the good guys.
(The townspeople scoff and move towards the team, protesting angrily. Lucius watches with a smug smile on his face.)
LATER. Lucius is lying on top of his bed in his house. Two women are kneeling at the foot of the bed, each massaging one of his bare feet. Team Sheppard is nearby, watching with distaste.
LUCIUS: Listen, I wanna apologise for the whole angry mob thing.
(He picks a grape from a fruit bowl beside him and eats it.)
TEYLA (reluctantly): I suppose we should be grateful.
McKAY: Yes, well, he did stop them from swarming us.
LUCIUS: Just consider it my way of saying all is forgiven.
SHEPPARD (moving forward angrily): Alright, I'm putting a stop to this.
LUCIUS (looking at the women): Oh, c'mon! They just got started!
SHEPPARD: I'm not talkin' about the foot massage ... actually, I am talkin' about the foot massage!
LUCIUS: Alright, alright. Girls, come back later, alright?
(The women stand up and leave the house.)
SHEPPARD: This little scam of yours ...
LUCIUS (sitting up and looking indignant): Scam? What scam?
TEYLA: You are taking advantage of these people.
LUCIUS: I know it looks that way, but I was being honest about that bunch of thugs that attacked this village a couple of months ago. You know, this is a nice town, nice people, and they needed somebody to save ‘em, so I did. I was a hero! Now, today's incident ...
McKAY: You mean performance.
LUCIUS: It was just my way of reminding them of that fact, but I insisted the guns not be loaded so nobody would get hurt.
SHEPPARD: That was nice of you(!)
LUCIUS: Yeah -- then you had to go and figure it all out.
SHEPPARD: You're goin' out there right now and you're gonna come clean with these people.
DEX: Or else.
LUCIUS: Or else what?
(Ronon stands up and walks towards him threateningly.)
LUCIUS: Ah-ah-ah-ah-ah. No, you can't threaten me on account of my shield ... (he gestures towards the town square) ... and they're not gonna believe you. (He smiles smugly.) Hey, you're trying to figure out a way to hurt me, aren't you?
DEX (ominously): Yep.
LUCIUS: Yeah. Well, you keep thinkin', big boy, because ...
(He is interrupted by the sounds of gunfire and screaming from outside. The team heads towards the windows, but then John turns and points at Lucius accusingly.)
LUCIUS: It's not me this time, I swear.
(The gunfire continues as the townspeople run screaming. A group of Genii soldiers, this time in uniform, walks into the town square wielding Genii rifles. Amongst them is a very familiar face. John stares in shock.)
(The team continues to watch from behind the curtained windows as the soldiers clear the square. John goes to the back window to check what's happening back there.)
SHEPPARD: The soldiers are Genii. They're part of a ...
LUCIUS: Oh, I know all about Kolya and the Genii. When I was on Atlantis, I perused ...
SHEPPARD: ... mission reports, right, right.
BECKETT: This is very bad.
LUCIUS: No, no, this is great. This'll be a great opportunity for me to solidify my place in the community. They're gonna give me a parade after this one!
(He turns towards the door.)
SHEPPARD: Hey, hang on! You're not takin' on Kolya and his men!
LUCIUS: Why not? They can't hurt me. I've got the personal shield.
McKAY: And if they burn the town down around you out of spite?
LUCIUS: Well, that'd be petty of ‘em.
SHEPPARD: Yeah, well, they're like that.
DEX: Obviously somebody tipped them off that we're here.
LUCIUS (walking over to John and gesturing to the door): So go ahead -- shoot him.
(John stares at the door for a moment.)
SHEPPARD: That's a good idea. (He cocks his rifle and heads for the door.)
TEYLA: Colonel, you can't.
SHEPPARD: This is Kolya.
TEYLA: The shooting will not stop them.
DEX: She's right. We'll have to kill ‘em all. (He looks at John.) I'm alright with that, by the way.
SHEPPARD: Good! Let's do it.
TEYLA (sternly): John.
TEYLA (sternly): You can't.
SHEPPARD: Oh, I'm pretty sure I can. In fact ...
TEYLA: If we engage in open fire with them, then many of these townspeople will certainly be killed. They do not deserve to die because of us. (John grimaces.) If they search the town and cannot find us, then they will simply move on.
BECKETT: Nobody gets hurt. That's my vote, and my heartfelt recommendation.
SHEPPARD: You wanna hide.
McKAY: Well, we could call it strategic concealment.
LUCIUS: I got just the place.
SHEPPARD: I'm sure you do!
(Lucius walks across to a grandfather clock and opens the glass over the face.)
(He pushes the minute hand down to the ‘half-past' position and closes the glass. The wall behind the clock opens and reveals a secret room behind.)
LUCIUS: See, I like to entertain and on occasion a husband'll get angry, come lookin' for his wife, so to avoid an awkward scenario ...
SHEPPARD: OK, we get it.
(Reluctantly, he jerks his head to the team and they go inside.)
LUCIUS: I'll let you know when the bad guys clear out.
(He starts to close the door but John turns back to him.)
SHEPPARD: Don't screw around, Lucius, alright? Tell ‘em we've moved on. Once they get out of town and they're out in the open, we'll deal with it ourselves. This is no time to be a hero, you understand?
SHEPPARD: I'm serious.
LUCIUS: I can see that! No heroics.
(John scowls at him suspiciously, then steps back and allows the door to close. Lucius walks across to his coat, puts it on and walks outside. In the square, the soldiers are checking the now empty area while some of them are conducting house to house searches.)
LUCIUS: Alright, that's enough.
(Kolya turns around to look at him.)
LUCIUS: Take your men and get out. This town is under my protection.
KOLYA: Is it?
LUCIUS: It is. So you've got two choices: you can either leave, or I'll make you leave.
(Kolya smiles, raises his pistol and fires. The blast impacts the shield. Kolya nods, impressed.)
LUCIUS (smiling): Is that the best you can do?
KOLYA: As a matter of fact, no, it isn't.
SHORTLY AFTERWARDS. One of Kolya's soldiers is holding Lucius' face down in the well. He releases him and Lucius gasps for breath and coughs. Although he is still dry, he obviously couldn't get any air under water.
LUCIUS: I admit -- I've got a shield ... (he gasps again) ... but I've got to breathe. I should have thought of that.
(Haemon walks across with a couple of Genii guards.)
HAEMON: Not so invincible now, are we, hero?
LUCIUS: You led them here?
HAEMON: They've been looking for this Sheppard a long time.
LUCIUS: We had a deal!
HAEMON: I saw an opportunity and I took it. No different to what you did with these villagers.
LUCIUS: But I haven't hurt anybody. Alright, that guy Lanko, and the one with the gimpy wrist ...
KOLYA: Look, I don't wanna hurt you or anyone in this town. All I want is Sheppard and his team.
LUCIUS: But I told you, you missed ‘em. Look, maybe if you hurry, you can get ‘em before they get to the Gate.
KOLYA: My men are already guarding the Gate. (Lucius sighs.) I'll ask you once more: where are they?
LUCIUS: I don't know. I don't!
KOLYA: Well, then, we'll have to do a thorough job of searching the area, which could take hours. How long can you hold your breath?
(Lucius stares at him in dread. The soldier puts his hand on the back of his neck. Although he can't touch him directly through the shield, he pushes his head down into the water again.)
SHORTLY AFTERWARDS. Half a dozen soldiers walk into Lucius' house. One of them walks over to the clock, opens the glass and moves the minute hand to the half-past position. The secret door opens and reveals the room behind, but there's nobody inside. They leave the room and walk back into the square. On an upper level of the house next door, John peers cautiously through the curtained window.
SHEPPARD: Well, that didn't take too long. Alright, let's get out of this town, set up a decent ambush without all these people around.
(The team heads out.)
TOWN SQUARE. Kolya walks over to Lucius, who is sitting on the edge of the pond. He sits down next to him.
KOLYA: They weren't there.
(Lucius looks at him in surprise.)
LUCIUS: Really? That's weird. I wonder where they could have gone?
KOLYA: That personal shield of yours is very interesting.
KOLYA: If we were to bury you alive, it would protect you from the weight of the soil, but you would still suffocate. A fascinating way to die, don't you think?
LUCIUS: Gotta tell you, it's not that fascinating to me.
KOLYA: It is to me.
(He nods to his soldiers and stands up as the men walk over to Lucius.)
LUCIUS: Wait, wait. You can't kill me. Look, I'm the perfect bait. If Sheppard finds out that I'm in trouble, he's gonna come rescue me. We're really close.
KOLYA: You and Sheppard?
KOLYA: I don't think so.
LUCIUS: Then Weir, or Rodney, or Carson. We're like the best of friends.
KOLYA: And how is it you know them so well?
LUCIUS: I spent some time in Atlantis. It's the nicest place I've ever been, best time I ever had. It's like, I remember like I was there this morning.
KOLYA: Tell me more.
TAVERN. Lucius is sitting at a table with Haemon and some of Kolya's soldiers. Kolya is sitting on a stool nearby. All of them are drinking from tankards.
LUCIUS: So I finish off the last Wraith guard and I turn to the Queen and I say, I say, "If you were twenty pounds heavier, you'd look like my ex-wife!"
(Haemon and the soldiers laugh.)
LUCIUS: Course, my ex-wife was a knock-out but, you know, where's the funny in that?!
HAEMON: You know, that personal shield's amazing. You mind if I try it?
LUCIUS: Yeah, go ahead, go ahead.
HAEMON: I'll give it right back.
(He reaches for it but of course the shield repels him. He and Lucius both laugh.)
LUCIUS: Got ya! What, you think I'd let you have this?! You'd kill me right on the spot!
HAEMON: Yeah, I'd slit your throat from ear to ear.
(They both laugh uproariously. The soldiers join in.)
LUCIUS: Good times! (He looks round at Kolya, who smiles falsely at him.) Good times!
KOLYA: As much as I love hearing about your former wives, Lucius, I'd rather hear more about what you know of Atlantis.
LUCIUS: I told you everything already.
KOLYA: In that case, it's getting late and I could use some rest ... (he toasts Lucius with his tankard and raises it towards his mouth) ... before the funeral. (He drinks.)
LUCIUS: Funeral? (His smile fades as Kolya and the others stand up.) Oh, no. Oh, no, no, don't bury me alive, please, I don't deserve that. (The men start to leave the tavern.) You know what? Nobody deserves that! I deserve banishment! That's what I de...
(He trails off as the last of the men leaves the tavern and closes the door.)
SHEPPARD (offscreen): Lucius?
(Lucius looks round to see John behind him with his P90 aimed, having just come in through another door.)
LUCIUS: What are you doing here?
SHEPPARD: Kolya's got all the exits out of town covered and rumour has it they were gonna bury you alive.
LUCIUS: I can't believe it! You came to save me?
SHEPPARD: Yeah, well neither can I. Let's go.
LUCIUS: I can't, I can't. I'm tied into the chair.
(John sighs, kneels down and bends under the table. Lucius' legs are tied with rope to the legs of the chair, and the rope is then tied to the leg of the table. John's eyes widen as he realises that also tied to the leg of the table are several sticks of dynamite ... and the fuse is burning.)
SHEPPARD: Oh, no!
(He rapidly gets up, banging his head on the underside of the table in the process.)
SHEPPARD: Good luck with that shield!
(He pats Lucius' shoulder quickly and races out of the tavern.)
LUCIUS: Hey, what? C'mon, untie me.
(The tavern explodes in a massive fireball. John, who just made it out into the alleyway in time, is thrown to the ground by the shockwave. Groaning, he tries to get to his feet.)
(In the town square, Ronon charges his blaster and comes out of hiding, aiming his gun around. Nearby, Rodney cries out in pain.)
(Ronon turns towards him, aiming his blaster, as Rodney comes out from a nearby building with his hands raised, followed by Genii soldiers with their guns aimed at him. Realising that anything he does could result in Rodney's death, and finding more soldiers behind him, Ronon grimaces and raises his hands. A short distance away, Teyla bursts out of a doorway but is immediately surrounded by soldiers. She aims her rifle defensively but then turns to see Carson, his hands behind his head, being escorted towards her by more soldiers. She too surrenders.)
(John finally gets to his feet and takes cover behind a building. He peers around the corner into the square and sees his team being taken to the centre of the square at gunpoint. He turns and hurries away.)
(As the team comes to a halt, Rodney turns at the sound of coughing nearby. Lucius stumbles through the broken window of the shattered tavern.)
LUCIUS: What, are you crazy?! You could have killed me!
KOLYA: That shield of yours impresses me more and more. You did your part, Lucius. You get to live another day.
(Lucius glares at him, then walks away. Kolya walks over to face Haemon.)
HAEMON: He got away.
KOLYA: That's unfortunate.
(He raises his pistol and fires it at Haemon's heart, but the gun just clicks. Haemon stares at him wide-eyed, then sighs with relief.)
HAEMON: Thanks for sparing me, sir.
KOLYA: Don't disappoint me again.
(Haemon walks away. Kolya calls out to his soldiers.)
KOLYA: Secure the prisoners. Perhaps they'll be more effective bait.
(As the team is hustled away, Kolya looks down at his pistol and then hands it to a soldier.)
KOLYA: Get this fixed.
LATER. Three Genii soldiers make their way through the streets on patrol. Once they've left the area, John comes out of hiding and heads off.
TOWN GAOL. The rest of Team Sheppard is leaning against the bars of the gaol.
TEYLA: Do you think he got away?
BECKETT: If they'd captured the colonel, wouldn't he be here with us?
McKAY: He'll be back in a Jumper in no time.
(Amaris approaches with a tray holding four bowls of something like soup or stew. He looks around to check that no soldiers are nearby and takes the tray over to the team. Rodney grabs one quickly and immediately tucks in.)
AMARIS: Your friend escaped the village. (He gives a bowl to each of the others.) They're still looking for him.
McKAY: If they haven't found him yet, chances are he managed to slip the perimeter.
AMARIS: Yes. (He smiles.) He and Lucius are no doubt plotting our rescue as we speak.
AMARIS: He would not abandon us.
McKAY: Oh, sure he wouldn't, just like he wouldn't sell us out while we were trying to rescue him.
AMARIS: He would never do that.
McKAY: OK, you know what? Just stop it, alright? Lucius is not a superhero. Batman -- that's a superhero.
AMARIS: I don't understand.
TEYLA: Your people cannot place their future in Lucius' hands. The time has come for you to save yourselves.
AMARIS: We have no hope of defeating these soldiers.
DEX: You will with our help.
AMARIS: Then why did you not do so before?
TEYLA: We were concerned for the safety of the village.
DEX: Now we don't care.
McKAY: OK, just pretend he didn't say that, and then just let us out of here.
AMARIS: No. It's too dangerous. Best to wait for Lucius to return, then he'll save us all.
(He turns and walks away.)
BECKETT: No, wait! Lucius isn't a hero!
PARK. Four Genii soldiers run down a path. Once they're gone, John comes out of hiding in some bushes and makes his way cautiously onwards. He hears twigs snapping in a bush nearby and turns quickly, aiming his P90. Lucius bursts out of hiding, holding his hands out placatingly.
LUCIUS: Don't. Don't. Don't. I swear I didn't know about the bomb. I don't know what those guys were doing under the table.
SHEPPARD: How the hell did you get out here?
LUCIUS: Everybody's looking for you. I just walked out unnoticed. Isn't that something? So what are we gonna do?
(He and John start to make their way carefully through the park, John checking the area at all times.)
SHEPPARD: What are we gonna do?! Well, I'll tell you what I'm gonna do. I'm gonna get by Kolya's men so I can get to the Gate and call for reinforcements.
LUCIUS: Reinforcements? What d'you say we just get off this planet?
SHEPPARD: My team is back there!
LUCIUS: Yeah, so is the guy who wants to bury me alive.
SHEPPARD: Oh, you're done playing hero now, are you? Fine -- you can leave as soon as we get to the Gate. Just keep up.
LUCIUS: You're angry, aren't you?
SHEPPARD: Shut up.
LUCIUS: See -- that's anger.
TOWN GAOL. Ronon has climbed onto the bars and is trying to shake them loose. When he can't manage it, he gets down and directs an angry kick at them. Carson sighs and turns around to see Rodney chipping away at the cement of the solid rear wall with his spoon. Carson closes his eyes briefly in disbelief.
BECKETT: Rodney, you're not tryin' to dig your way out of here, are you?
McKAY: See if you can find another spoon. With someone helping, this would go twice as fast.
TEYLA: Someone's coming.
(Rodney tries to cover the hole as Kolya and a couple of soldiers approach.)
KOLYA: I have to give Colonel Sheppard credit. No opponent's ever caused me this much trouble. Unfortunately, I'm going to have to kill him.
McKAY: That's funny -- he says the same thing about you.
KOLYA: Really? (He laughs.) I'm flattered.
DEX: But you can't kill him if you can't catch him.
KOLYA: I will, eventually.
McKAY: And what about us, huh? How do we fit into your evil plans for galactic domination?
KOLYA: You'll be allowed to stay alive for the time being ... unless you were stupid enough to eat the meal you were served.
(Rodney gasps and clutches at his throat in a panic. In the process the spoon he had concealed up his sleeve falls out and drops to the floor with a clatter. Kolya laughs.)
KOLYA: I'm just kidding.
McKAY (taking his hands away from his throat): Oh, thank God.
KOLYA: In fact, I intend to send you back to Atlantis in exchange for a few things.
BECKETT: There's no way Doctor Weir would cut a deal with you, even if our lives were in danger. You know that.
KOLYA: In the past I may have been a little too ambitious with my demands. This time, however, I have no intention of backing Doctor Weir into a corner. After all, what's a small number of your P90s, a few grenades and some ammunition in exchange for your lives? And, who knows? If we're successful in toppling Ladon and I assume rightful leadership of the Genii, we could end up allies.
DEX: That's not gonna happen, Kolya.
BECKETT: While we're standing here having this little chat, there's no doubt Colonel Sheppard has reached the Stargate and contacted Atlantis. In just a matter of minutes, this village will be swarming with our people.
KOLYA: And I can guarantee you that's not going to happen either.
WOODS. John and Lucius are making their way through the trees. They reach the edge of a clearing and look out cautiously. The Stargate is in the distance, and is surrounded by Genii soldiers.
LUCIUS: I don't believe this. Isn't that the worst thing you could imagine?
(Kolya's voice comes over the radio.)
KOLYA: Colonel Sheppard?
(John puts his hand to his earpiece, then gestures to Lucius to keep quiet as Kolya continues speaking.)
KOLYA: I'm going to assume you can hear me. I'm also going to assume that if you haven't reached the Gate by now, you soon will, so I wanna save you some trouble. My men have secured the Gate. There's no way you're getting through. Come back and face me, Colonel -- or I'll start killing your friends.
(Kolya, who is standing outside the gaol, pulls his pistol out of its holster and aims it at the team.)
KOLYA (into radio): Which one of them shall we kill first? I'm leaning toward Doctor McKay, myself. Colonel?
SHEPPARD (over radio): Kolya, this is Sheppard. I'm comin' back.
KOLYA: Don't keep me waiting. (He deactivates the radio.)
McKAY: That's what this is all about? Killing Sheppard?
KOLYA: Absolutely, Doctor McKay. But don't feel left out. If I don't get those weapons from Doctor Weir, I fully intend to kill you as well.
PARK. John and Lucius are heading back towards the town.
LUCIUS: I'm coming with you.
SHEPPARD: You sure?
LUCIUS: No. Um ... yeah, I am, I am. I'm coming with you ... just ... (He dithers.)
SHEPPARD: Yes or no?
LUCIUS: I ... Don't pressure me like this! I'm gonna come with you ...
SHEPPARD: Make up your mind!
LUCIUS: ... and I'll help you out, OK? Oh, boy -- they'd better give me a parade for this one.
TOWN. Haemon and some others come to the gaol. Haemon starts to unlock the door.
McKAY: What's going on?
(Haemon pushes the door open as the guards aim their weapons.)
(The team starts to leave the cell.)
HAEMON: Let's go!
(The team is escorted towards the town square.)
LUCIUS: I'm just spit-balling here: what if we hugged each other and the device would ... would, uh, you know, help us, uh ...
SHEPPARD: I don't like that idea ...
LUCIUS: No, I know, I don't think ...
SHEPPARD: ... and it's not possible.
LUCIUS: Yeah, it doesn't work that way. OK, OK: what if I swung from a clock tower on a long rope right into town?
LUCIUS: ... I dunno. That's all I have. I could set myself on fire.
SHEPPARD: I like that.
LUCIUS: ... OK. Um, I could run naked. Oh, I know, I know! What if I got on your shoulders and we have a cloak that they ... it's some religious thing ... they could be afraid of giants. OK, what if we build a tunnel, OK? We could tunnel ... or a boulder -- a huge boulder. I'm camouflaged, I'm protected, now the boulder protects you ... or, um ... a magnifying glass and some tape ...
SHEPPARD: I have an idea, Lucius.
LUCIUS: ... some poisoned tape!
TOWN. In one of the houses, Amaris, the barmaid and some others are nervously looking out into the town square through the windows. Lucius comes in through the back door.
BARMAID: I knew you'd return to save us.
LUCIUS: I've returned, but you people, you're gonna have to save yourselves.
AMARIS: You do not wish to help us?
LUCIUS: Oh, no, no, no, of course I wanna help, but it's just, uh ... Look, what if I wasn't here? What would you do then?
AMARIS: Wait for you to come back?
LUCIUS: Alright, there's the problem. What if I didn't know that you were in trouble, or I couldn't get back in time? What would you do then? I mean, look, you're a great group of people, it's a lovely town, but there's a lot of horrible people out there, so you've gotta fend for yourselves, starting today.
BARMAID: I understand what Lucius is saying.
LUCIUS: You do?
BARMAID: By allowing him to assume the responsibility of protecting us, we're surrendering our independence.
LUCIUS: That's right.
BARMAID: Right? So, in exchange for the convenience of having someone safeguard our town, we're giving up the very part of ourselves we seek to protect.
LUCIUS: Listen to her. She's smart.
BARMAID: We need to regain our strength and our independence by taking responsibility for our lives, and the lives of our neighbours.
(The townspeople start to understand, and nod in agreement.)
BARMAID: After today, we will no longer be dependent on one man.
LUCIUS: Well ...
BARMAID: There will be no champion protector, for it will fall to us to protect ...
LUCIUS: OK, OK, hold on. Wait, wait, wait, wait. You're getting a little carried away here. OK, independence is a great thing, but so is the comfort of having somebody there to pick up the slack now and again, OK? You don't wanna be doing it all the time because you've all got jobs, or you have hobbies, right? (He gestures to a man with a long black beard.) Beardo here, he likes to fish, right? You don't wanna be bothered by having to rise up and save the village every day, you know what I mean? But that's a thought for another day, OK? For today, you're gonna have to fight for yourselves, OK? So remember what you said about strength and integrity and responsibility, so you get out there and you fight for your town, go to the alleys, spread the word. Now, go! Get out, get out!
(Enthused by his speech and that of the barmaid, the townspeople chatter to each other encouragingly as they head out.)
KOLYA (into radio): Colonel Sheppard?
HAEMON: Maybe he changed his mind.
KOLYA (into radio): You're out of time, Colonel. (He deactivates the radio and tosses it away. Drawing his pistol, he walks towards the team.) Doctor McKay.
(Ronon steps in front of Rodney.)
DEX: Me first.
TEYLA (stepping forward): No, me.
BECKETT (also stepping forward): I'll do it.
McKAY: Um ...
KOLYA: Well, how positively moving. I almost wish I could shoot you all at once.
(He raises his pistol and aims it.)
SHEPPARD (offscreen): Kolya!
(Kolya turns to see John standing on the other side of the square. He holsters his pistol as John walks closer.)
KOLYA: I should have killed you when we first met, Colonel. It would have saved me a lot of trouble.
SHEPPARD: The feeling's mutual.
KOLYA: Goodbye, Sheppard.
(All around John, Kolya's soldiers open fire on him. The bullets bounce harmlessly off a green glow which surrounds him. John smiles smugly as the soldiers continue to fire until they have all emptied their weapons.)
SHEPPARD: Well, now that you've got that out of your system ...
(He unzips his vest and reveals the shield device attached to his T-shirt. He laughs, but his smile fades as the device fritzes and its green light flickers.)
SHEPPARD: Oh, crap!
(The device groans as it deactivates.)
KOLYA (to his soldiers): Reload!
LUCIUS (offscreen): Don't bother.
(Kolya and his soldiers turn as Lucius walks into view, followed by some of the townspeople.)
KOLYA: You should have left town when you had the chance.
(Lucius smiles as, all around the square, the townspeople burst out of their houses carrying various implements like shovels and pitchforks, together with some rifles. They surround the soldiers, forcing them to lower their weapons. Lucius smiles at Kolya.)
LUCIUS: I'm sure you're thinking the same thing right about now.
SHEPPARD (to Kolya): If I gave you the opportunity to surrender, I don't suppose you'd take it?
(Kolya smiles, then chuckles ironically.)
SHEPPARD: I didn't think so.
(Everyone goes quiet as John and Kolya face up to each other. They lock gazes as the camera shows their respective hands hovering near their gun holsters. It's a classic Wild West shootout scene: all that's missing is the Ennio Morricone music. There's a long dramatic pause, then Kolya goes for his gun. John is quicker and fires a single shot. It hits Kolya right in the heart. With a grunt, he falls to the ground.)
SHEPPARD (to the soldiers): Put down your weapons.
(The soldiers comply. Lucius claps his hands in delight and grins. John stares down at Kolya's body.)
LATER. The soldiers are gone. The townspeople are preparing a feast as Lucius walks with Team Sheppard.
LUCIUS: You sure you guys can't stay for some schnitzel? I mean, this is a party for you guys as much as anybody, right?
SHEPPARD: You guys have a good time. We're overdue.
LUCIUS: Well, thanks for everything.
SHEPPARD: Just remember: stay out of trouble or we'll be back.
LUCIUS: Oh, Colonel Sheppard? (John turns to face him.) Aren't you forgetting something?
SHEPPARD: Oh, yeah! I did say I'd give that back to you, didn't I?
(He takes the shield device out of his vest pocket.)
LUCIUS: Yes, you did.
(John sticks the device onto Lucius' shirt.)
LUCIUS: You're a good man. You're an honest man, and you made me a better man myself, you know that, don't you?
SHEPPARD: Good. Bye, Lucius.
(Grinning smugly, he turns away. The rest of the team follows him.)
McKAY: I thought you said that personal shield was depleted.
SHEPPARD: Oh, yeah.
TEYLA: Then it is worthless.
SHEPPARD: Pretty much.
BECKETT: You're not gonna tell Lucius?
SHEPPARD: No ...
(Behind him, Lucius turns to a young boy.)
LUCIUS: Kick me as hard as you can.
(The boy aims a kick at Lucius' groin.)
SHEPPARD: ... He'll figure it out.
(As Lucius continues to cry out in pain, the team continues on without looking back.)