Transcript by Callie Sullivan
German and Czech translations by Bloodthirst and MOD.
ALIEN PLANET. Atlantis military are patrolling near the Stargate. In the distance, smoke is rising from several different locations. Out in the woods, John and two other marines are walking through the trees.
SHEPPARD: Alright, I'm about ready to call this one. Doesn't look like there are any survivors.
(In a different part of the woods, Teyla, Major Lorne and another marine are also searching.)
TEYLA: The cullings are getting more and more intense.
SHEPPARD: Well, you said it yourself: too many Wraith woke up at the same time. Too many mouths to feed -- or ... hands to feed.
LORNE: Well, we're headin' back to the Gate -- meet you there?
SHEPPARD: Sounds like a plan. McKay, Beckett: you havin' any luck?
(Rodney, Carson and Lieutenant Laura Cadman are walking through a field full of yellow wildflowers.)
BECKETT: Negative, Colonel, we haven't found anyone.
SHEPPARD: Make your way back to the Gate.
BECKETT: Will do. Beckett out.
(As they continue walking along, Cadman reaches down and pulls up some flowers, then turns to Rodney.)
CADMAN: So -- maybe you should pick some wildflowers from around here -- I think she'd get a kick out of that.
McKAY: What are you talking about?
CADMAN: You've got a date tomorrow tonight with Katie Brown, right? She's a botanist -- she never gets to go offworld, so ...
BECKETT: What's this now?!
McKAY: It's nothing, nothing.
BECKETT: You have a date, Rodney? With a woman?
McKAY: It is simply two adults sharing some friendly ... yes, with a woman!
(Carson and Laura giggle.)
CADMAN: Well, she's excited about it. Not sure why, though.
McKAY: How would you know?
CADMAN: Girls' poker night. I know a lot of things, McKay. (She grins at him.)
McKAY: I'm sure it's none of your business. This is an inappropriate field conversation.
CADMAN: What? I was just suggesting that you might wanna pick some flowers ...
(A distant buzzing sound can be heard.)
McKAY: Yes, and maybe you should just do your job, which is to protect us.
CADMAN: Shut up.
McKAY: Shut up? Let me tell you something ...
CADMAN: Stop speaking!
(They stop and listen. The buzzing gets louder.)
CADMAN: Dart. (She activates her radio.) We have a Dart incoming. (To the other two) Move it!
(They start to run.)
SHEPPARD (into radio): If it's seen us, it will blow Atlantis' cover. Anyone get a clear shot, you take it, understand?
(Everyone starts running for the Gate. Out in the field, the Dart swoops towards the running trio.)
(She shoves Carson in one direction. He promptly falls over. Rodney and Laura keep running.)
(She reaches out to push him away but the transport beam sweeps down and whisks them both away. Carson raises his head and stares in shock.)
(At the Stargate, the Gate activates. John runs up the steps and stands directly in front of the Gate, staring skywards. Meanwhile Teyla and her team exit the woods nearby. She and the third team member have machine guns while Lorne has an anti-tank missile launcher. Teyla and the other guy open fire as the Dart sweeps past them. Lorne aims his launcher carefully, then fires. The missile soars towards the Dart but hits a tree in the way, exploding. The Dart is thrown off course by the explosion but then flies on.)
TEYLA (into radio): It is heading towards the Gate. We damaged it but it is still on its way.
BECKETT (running across the field): Wait -- McKay and Cadman have been beamed aboard that Dart!
SHEPPARD: We can't risk the Dart making it back to the hive ship.
(The Dart comes into view, heading straight towards the Gate. John opens fire, as do the others. The Dart, hit by some of the bullets, veers off from its course and heads off in another direction, smoke trailing behind it. Carson, still running across the field, looks up and sees the Dart roll and start plummeting straight towards him.)
BECKETT: Oh, crap!
(He turns and runs in the opposite direction. The Dart continues plunging toward the ground as the marines keep firing at it. As it gets near him, Carson throws himself to the ground. Back at the Gate, John watches as the Dart crash-lands just over a ridge in an explosion of mud and earth. He and the others run toward the impact site.)
(Carson, lying face down on the ground and covered with earth and mud, raises his head, then gets up onto his knees. The Dart has crashed just yards from where he was lying and is now in pieces, some of them burning.)
OPENING CREDITS. RESUME. As Carson cautiously approaches the broken Dart, the cockpit shield turns off. Carson raises his pistol and walks forward carefully. Inside the cockpit, a Wraith lies, badly wounded. It looks round at Carson. When he realises how injured it is, he lowers his pistol and raises his other hand to it in a pacifying gesture.
BECKETT: I'm a doctor. I can help.
(The Wraith struggles weakly up in its seat and reaches forward to the control panel. Just then, a hail of bullets is fired into the cockpit. Carson ducks as John walks up, firing a second burst of bullets to make sure that the Wraith is dead.)
BECKETT: What the hell d'you think you're doing?
SHEPPARD: It was reaching for the self-destruct.
BECKETT: He's the only one that could get Cadman and McKay out!
SHEPPARD: I seriously doubt he'd oblige.
BECKETT: Well, we'll never know now, will we?
(Teyla and her team run out of the trees and join the others.)
TEYLA: Is everyone alright?
SHEPPARD: We're fine. Hansen, radio Atlantis. We want Zelenka here asap. We've got a problem.
LATER. Radek Zelenka has arrived, along with various members of the military who are guarding the area. Radek has hooked up a computer to the rear part of the cockpit and is explaining what he's seeing to Carson. John walks over to join them.
(Just then, sparks fly from the interface. Radek jumps up in terror, grabbing at Carson and then looking around the field nervously.)
SHEPPARD: First time offworld?
SHEPPARD: Well, if there were any more Wraith, they would have attacked us by now.
SHEPPARD: If it makes you feel better. Did you find what we want?
ZELENKA: Uh, well, yes, (he bends down to his computer again) but it's very complex. This interface controls the machine that dematerialises people, stores their information and then rematerialises them again when commanded to.
SHEPPARD: Great. Command it to!
ZELENKA: Uh, I can't.
BECKETT: From what we can tell, the materialiser is storing two life signs.
SHEPPARD: Which is good!
ZELENKA: Yes, but there is only enough power in the Dart's energy cell to successfully rematerialise one of them. (He shows his laptop to John. The screen indicates two signals stored in the materialiser.) Power to the rematerialiser has been completely severed and emergency back-up power is completely run down.
ZELENKA: You have to decide which one we're going to beam out. (He pushes the laptop towards John.)
BECKETT: That's a terrible choice to have to make.
SHEPPARD: It's easy. Beam out McKay -- he'll figure out how to get Cadman free.
ZELENKA: No, no, no, sorry -- I was unclear.
BECKETT: There's no way of telling which is which.
ZELENKA: Yes. They just read as life signs.
SHEPPARD: Perfect(!) (He looks at the screen.) Alright -- that one. (He points to one of the life signs.) Go. (To the others) Stand aside.
(Everyone stands clear and Radek activates his computer. A beam shoots out of the Dart and a moment later, Rodney is standing there. He looks around blankly.)
SHEPPARD: Rodney, you OK?
McKAY: Mmm. (He promptly keels over and drops to the ground, unconscious. Carson rushes over and checks his pulse.)
BECKETT: His pulse is stable but I need to get him back to Atlantis.
SHEPPARD: Teyla, Lorne, help the Doc head back to the city with McKay. We're gonna stay here with Zelenka -- try to bring as much of the Dart back as possible.
ATLANTIS. INFIRMARY. Rodney is lying unconscious on a bed with leads attached to his head. A scanner is passing back and forth behind him and over his head. Carson is at his bedside, reporting to Elizabeth who is standing next to him.
BECKETT: All of his vitals are stable. His body's reacting like it's been struck by a Wraith stunner.
WEIR: So you think once the initial shock is over, we'll have the old McKay back?
BECKETT: I'm afraid so(!) Have they had any luck with the wreckage?
WEIR: No. Lieutenant Cadman is still in there somewhere. Did you know her well?
BECKETT: No, not really. She was with the new batch that came aboard the Daedalus. She seemed quite lovely, though. She saved my life.
WEIR: Well, you'll be the first person I call when we find her.
BECKETT: Thank you.
HANGAR. The Dart wreckage has been laid out around the area, and a German female scientist is hauling a piece of the ship out of the mess. It squelches as it comes out.
SCIENTIST (in German): That reminds me of my nephew's birth!
(John watches, then turns to Radek who is at the top of a ladder leading up to the cockpit where another scientist sits inside.)
SHEPPARD: How's it coming?
ZELENKA: Well, the good news is we were able to stabilise her life signs signature. (He comes down the ladder.) Now it's just a question of getting the machine online again.
SHEPPARD: Great. How do we power it up?
ZELENKA: Well, that's the bad news. The machine uses a very specialised transformer to convert raw power into highly stable, very specific stream of power. (He goes over to a tray labelled “Transformer bits” and picks it up to show John.) Now the transformer's crucial in operating the machine safely and, uh, (he picks up the transformer and gives it to John) it's been damaged.
SHEPPARD (looking at it and then handing it back): Don't suppose there are any spares in the trunk?
ZELENKA: We're working on reverse engineering one.
SHEPPARD: Good. Let me know the second you have something.
(He walks away as Radek starts shouting instructions to the other scientists.)
ZELENKA (in Czech): Well, OK then, come on kids, go go go. We have to finish this one! Let's get going! Hurry!
COMMISSARY. John walks in with a tray of food and goes over to a table where Ronon Dex, watched over by a couple of guards, is sitting. Ronon is eating what looks like burger and mashed potato from a plate and some green jello from a bowl – and he's eating everything with his fingers. John sits down opposite him and gestures to the food.
SHEPPARD: Not bad, huh?
DEX: It's fine. (He continues shovelling food into his mouth.)
SHEPPARD: So what do you think of Atlantis?
DEX: It's fine. (He continues eating.)
SHEPPARD: Have you thought about what you wanna do after you're done here?
DEX (still eating): Do you want me to leave?
SHEPPARD: No! No! Stay as long as you like. I'm just sayin', uh, you know your way around; you can take care of yourself in a fight; you hate the Wraith as much as we do ... (Ronon shoots him a look.) OK, maybe more than we do. But the point is, we could use a guy like you around here and you look like you could use a place to stay.
(Ronon picks up a water jug and drinks directly out of it. He puts the jug down and looks round pointedly at one of his guards before looking back to John.)
DEX: I'm not sure I'd fit in here. (He starts shovelling food into his mouth again.)
SHEPPARD: There's only one way to find out.
DEX: Do I have to decide now, or can I finish eating?
SHEPPARD: Take your time. And, uh, (he unwraps a knife and fork and offers them to Ronon) try these -- they work great!
(Ronon takes them, looks at them for a moment, then uses the fork to shovel a large heap of mashed potato into his mouth.)
INFIRMARY. Carson is checking on a woman in the bed next to Rodney's. Rodney groans and wakes up.
McKAY: Hello. (He raises his head and groans again. Carson comes over to him.)
BECKETT: How're you feeling, Rodney?
McKAY: Um, terrible. What happened?
BECKETT: You were scooped up by a Dart.
McKAY: Oh, great! How'd I get out?
BECKETT: It's a long story, but I'm glad to see you're doing well.
CADMAN's VOICE: Hello? Doctor Beckett.
McKAY: Is that Cadman?
CADMAN's VOICE: Doctor McKay.
(Rodney looks across to the woman in the bed next to him, but it's not Laura Cadman lying there. Rodney looks around the Infirmary.)
McKAY: Where is she?
CADMAN's VOICE: I'm right here.
BECKETT: Lieutenant Cadman is still trapped inside the Dart.
CADMAN's VOICE: What?!
McKAY: Who said that?
BECKETT: I did.
McKAY: You said “What?!”
BECKETT: I said Lieutenant Cadman is still trapped inside the Dart.
McKAY: No, no, no, did you just say the word, “What?”
BECKETT: No, I didn't.
CADMAN's VOICE: McKay!
McKAY: Yes, where are you?
BECKETT: I'm right here.
McKAY: No, no, I'm talking to Cadman -- shut up for a second.
BECKETT: She's not here, Rodney.
CADMAN's VOICE: Yes I am!
McKAY: You didn't just hear that -- you didn't just hear Lieutenant Cadman?
BECKETT: No, I didn't.
(Rodney clicks his fingers.)
McKAY: Headset. (He puts his hands to his head.) I'm not wearing a headset!
CADMAN's VOICE: McKay, where are you?
McKAY: I'm right in front of Carson.
CADMAN's VOICE: Oh no. Uh, put your hands over your eyes.
CADMAN's VOICE: Just do it!
BECKETT: Lieutenant Cadman is still trapped inside the Dart. I think maybe you're experiencing some sort of ... Rodney, what are you doing?
(Rodney has put his hands over his eyes and then parts his fingers to peer through them.)
CADMAN's VOICE: Oh, this is terrible.
McKAY: What's terrible?
CADMAN's VOICE: I can see that! I can see your hands over your eyes as if they were my eyes.
(Rodney takes his hands away from his face as Carson looks around, bewildered at Rodney's behaviour.)
McKAY: Carson -- hi.
BECKETT (patiently): Hullo.
McKAY: Who got us out of the Dart?
BECKETT: Zelenka -- but he only got you out. Lieutenant Cadman is still trapped inside the Dart.
McKAY: No, no, no, no, no, no, no.
CADMAN's VOICE: This cannot be happening.
McKAY: Cadman's not trapped in the Dart.
BECKETT: Excuse me?
(Rodney points to his own head.)
McKAY: She's in here.
HANGAR. Rodney is out of bed and dressed. He takes the broken transformer out of the “transformer bits” tray.
McKAY (sarcastically to Radek): Oh, nice work!
ZELENKA: We were running out of power. I knew hardly anything about the machine. Who would have thought this could be one of the side effects?
McKAY: So -- instead of waiting to understand what it was that you were doing, you just sort of mashed on the keyboard hoping something would happen!
ZELENKA: Well, you're alive, aren't you?
CADMAN's VOICE: Ask him if he knows how to fix it.
McKAY: He doesn't know how to fix it!
(Elizabeth, John and Carson, standing nearby, look concerned as Rodney addresses thin air.)
McKAY (pointing to his own head): I'm talking to her!
WEIR: You can hear her thoughts?
McKAY: No, not her thoughts, thank God. I can hear when she's speaking ... or when I suppose she's trying to speak.
(Elizabeth leans over to speak quietly to Carson.)
WEIR: Are you sure he should have been discharged from the Infirmary, Carson?
BECKETT: According to the M.R.I., he's as healthy as he ever was.
CADMAN's VOICE: It doesn't feel very healthy in here!
McKAY: Well, we can't all be track stars, now, can we? (He looks round at the others.) It was her again.
SHEPPARD (to Carson): Maybe there's something wrong an M.R.I. wouldn't pick up, if you know what I mean.
(Carson tries to suppress a smile.)
McKAY: I'm not crazy -- I just have another consciousness in my brain.
SHEPPARD (to Carson): So he just looks crazy.
McKAY: I'm sure I do, but only because Doctor Fumbles McStupid over here (gesturing to Radek) was in way over his head!
ZELENKA (indignantly): Yes, yes, I made a mistake trying to save your life. Now, d'you want to try to fix it, or do you want to continue to berate me some more?
McKAY: I'm perfectly capable of doing both at the same time. Now -- I assume you've tried to run one of our own generators on it?
ZELENKA: It's not as simple as that ...
CADMAN's VOICE: Why not?
ZELENKA: ... The trick is having it interface with the Wraith machine in real time. The power fluctuations are, are, are huge. Er, if we overshoot just a little ...
CADMAN's VOICE: Wait, wait, what does that mean?
ZELENKA: ... we're screwed up.
(Rodney is distracted by Laura's voice interjecting and can't concentrate on what Radek is saying.)
McKAY: Yeah, yeah. Um, I'm sure if we can maybe run an interface programme that will take care of all the ...
CADMAN's VOICE: Hullooo? Rodney? Will you please answer me?
McKAY (trying to ignore her): Uh, here's what I want us to try.
CADMAN's VOICE: Rodney!
McKAY: We'll take a, uh, naqahdah generator ...
CADMAN's VOICE: Ro-o-o-odney!
McKAY: ... and, um ...
CADMAN's VOICE: Rodney. Rodney!
McKAY: ... and, uh ...
CADMAN's VOICE: Rodney! RODNEY!
McKAY (furiously): YES! WHAT?!
(Everyone stares at him.)
CADMAN's VOICE: Stop ignoring me.
McKAY: Well, stop asking stupid questions!
BECKETT: Rodney ...
McKAY (to thin air): I will get you out of here, OK? Now just be a good little girlie and keep quiet.
CADMAN's VOICE: Don't you dare condescend me! This is as much my problem as it is yours.
McKAY: And do you have a degree in physics, hmm? Well, what about mechanical engineering, huh?
McKAY: YES?! (He realises that it was Elizabeth who spoke to him, not Laura, and calms down.) Sorry. I'm sorry. What, please?
WEIR: Why don't we let Zelenka handle this?
McKAY: I'm fine.
SHEPPARD: No, you're not.
WEIR: And I'd like you to talk to Doctor Heightmeyer.
McKAY: I think it'd be more useful if I was to ...
WEIR: Rodney. I'm not asking you.
(Rodney looks round at everyone in the hangar. They're all staring at him.)
McKAY: Fine. (He walks away.)
CORRIDOR. Rodney is walking along.
CADMAN's VOICE: Oh, stop sulking. You're acting like a two year old.
McKAY: This is your fault, you know.
CADMAN's VOICE: How'd you figure that?
McKAY: All you had to do was keep your mouth shut while I was working.
CADMAN's VOICE: You have no idea what it's like in here, OK?
McKAY (stopping walking): Yes, yes, I do. I know exactly what it's like in here because I live in here. I like it here!
(A young woman holding a tray of plants has come up behind him and stares at him as he rants on.)
CADMAN's VOICE: Be cool!
McKAY: Katie! (He turns to face her.) Hi.
KATIE: Is, uh, everything OK?
McKAY: Yes! Yes! Everything is just fine. I was just, uh ...
CADMAN's VOICE: Talking on the radio! Talking on the radio!
McKAY: ... talking on the radio. You're well, I take it?
KATIE: I, uh, heard you ran into some trouble offworld today.
McKAY: Oh, yes. Yes, yes, yes, but everything's fine now -- it's all been sorted out. Back to normal.
KATIE: Good. So we're still on for tomorrow?
McKAY: Yes, yes. Yes, actually, I'm ... very much looking forward to it. In fact, I'm sure it'll be a, uh, ... you know, a wonderful ... evening, and what not.
KATIE: Right! Well, I'll see you then.
(Katie walks away, turning back to look at him for a moment before heading off around the corner.)
CADMAN's VOICE: You really know nothing about women, do you?!
McKAY: I know plenty.
CADMAN's VOICE: Maybe this is a good thing.
McKAY: Excuse me?
CADMAN's VOICE: I could teach you a thing or two about the opposite sex, McKay. Lord knows you need it!
McKAY: This is hell! This is my own personal hell!
GYM. Ronon paces around the gym. Three soldiers are squaring up to attack him. Another lies on the floor in pain, having clearly already been taken down by him. John has his elbow on the shoulder of a mannequin nearby, watching. With very little effort, Ronon knocks down one of the soldiers, then takes out the other two simultaneously.
SHEPPARD: Alright. Let's try that again.
SOLDIER (in some pain): How 'bout you try that again ... sir?
SHEPPARD: Maybe that's enough for today.
HEIGHTMEYER'S OFFICE. Rodney and Kate are sitting opposite each other.
McKAY: How do you feel you're qualified to help us with this problem, huh?
HEIGHTMEYER: I'm not. Who could be? This was not covered in medical school! But I have spent quite some time as a couples therapist.
CADMAN's VOICE: We're not a couple!
McKAY: In any sense of the definition -- not a couple.
CADMAN's VOICE: No!
HEIGHTMEYER: In physics, a 'couple' is defined as a pair of forces equal in magnitude acting in opposite directions.
McKAY (cynically): Hmm.
HEIGHTMEYER: So you don't feel that applies here?
McKAY: Yeah, that's very clever, but we're not equal forces.
CADMAN's VOICE: Watch it!
McKAY: And what I mean by that is she's just a voice in my head -- I have control of the body.
CADMAN's VOICE: I've seen your body, McKay -- you can keep it.
HEIGHTMEYER: How do you know that? She's been able to access the part of your brain that creates speech and controls hearing -- why not movement?
McKAY: Well if she could have, she would have by now.
HEIGHTMEYER: Maybe you need to release control.
McKAY: Why would I do that?
HEIGHTMEYER: Because, like it or not, you're sharing that body. The roles could have easily been reversed, Rodney -- you could be trapped inside her body. And wouldn't you like a chance to, say, talk to others without having to go through her?
CADMAN's VOICE: Yeah!
CADMAN's VOICE: Maybe?!
McKAY: OK, yes, I would want that.
HEIGHTMEYER: So let her.
McKAY: Oh! (He grimaces in frustration.)
HEIGHTMEYER: Close your eyes ... (Rodney shifts into a more comfortable position on the chair and closes his eyes) ... take deep breaths and stop trying to control everything for a second.
(Rodney breathes for a few moments before speaking.)
McKAY: Hullo? Hullo?
McKAY (as Laura): Oh, this is weird! Hearing his voice when I speak!
HEIGHTMEYER: Can you move?
McKAY (as Laura): I dunno -- let me try.
(Rodney raises his left hand and wiggles his fingers. At that moment he opens his eyes and snatches back control.)
McKAY: OK -- that's enough of that.
CADMAN's VOICE: Oh, come on!
HEIGHTMEYER: Doctor McKay, we were just starting to make progress.
McKAY: Well, progress won't be necessary if we can get her out of here. Now, I have calmed down -- so has she. Let me get back to work.
CADMAN's VOICE (resigned): OK.
McKAY: Really? (To Kate) Oh, she-she's fine with this, by the way.
CADMAN's VOICE: Sorta.
McKAY: Sorta. So, yeah, should I ...? (He gets up and hurries out.)
FIRING RANGE. John is introducing Ronon to various Earth weapons.
SHEPPARD: This is a P90. It's a compact, lightweight, incredibly sturdy ...
(Ronon has already picked one up, cocked it, and now fires a burst of bullets into a target at the end of the room.)
SHEPPARD: Good! That's ... (he coughs) ... good. (He puts his P90 down and picks up a pistol. Ronon does the same.) Alright -- this is a nine millimetre, semi-automatic ...
(Ronon cocks the pistol and immediately fires several bullets into the target before ejecting the finished cartridge. We see the target close up. Every bullet from both the P90 and the 9 mill is in the centre circle.)
SHEPPARD: That's good too!
DEX: I prefer this. (He draws his own weapon from its holster on his leg and fires a single shot at a second target. It blasts a huge hole through the target. He twirls the weapon cowboy-style and reholsters it as John leans across to look through the hole in the target.)
SHEPPARD: I can see why you would!
HANGAR. Rodney and Radek are studying a laptop. Finally it comes up with a result that pleases Rodney.
McKAY: Alright! Let's give this bad boy a try. (To the German scientist) Start her up, but slowly ease her into it.
ZELENKA: No, no, no, no. It's not ready. Some of these calculations are not right.
McKAY: Maybe you just don't understand them.
(The scientist starts her equipment up and there's promptly a series of explosions at the interface. Everybody ducks. The scientist swears in German as another technician runs in to put the fire out.)
McKAY: What the hell happened?!
SCIENTIST: We started it up.
McKAY: I said slowly ease her into it!
SCIENTIST: I was at three percent.
ZELENKA: The power requirements are delicate. We should have run more simulations before we ...
McKAY (sarcastically): Yes, yes! Twenty-twenty hindsight.
ZELENKA: You shouldn't be here.
McKAY: I'm sorry?
ZELENKA: We are telling you these calculations are wrong. Having two consciousnesses inside of a single brain must be very taxing.
McKAY: Listen ...
ZELENKA (sternly): You're making mistakes. (He shows Rodney the laptop. Rodney snatches it from him and reads the screen. His expression changes to one of concern.) Now leave it to me, before you do more harm than good.
(Rodney, reluctantly realising that he's right, gives him the laptop back and walks away.)
NIGHT TIME. Rodney is walking through the corridors rubbing his eyes. John joins him.
SHEPPARD: You're up late.
McKAY: Mmm. I couldn't sleep -- I was, uh, trying to clear my head.
SHEPPARD: I, uh, hear the transformer test didn't go so well.
McKAY: Well, you heard right.
SHEPPARD: Uh, listen. I wanted you to know that I gave the command to take the Dart down.
McKAY: Look, much as I'd like to pretend that this is remotely your fault, the thought of what would've happened if you hadn't shot the Dart down is, uh ... (He trails off.)
SHEPPARD: So, we're cool.
McKAY: No, you're cool, I'm fine.
SHEPPARD: You should get some sleep.
CADMAN's VOICE (wearily): I could actually use some rest, Rodney.
McKAY (pointing to his head): She says she's tired.
SHEPPARD (backing away and trying to pretend not to be nervous): Goodnight. (He walks away.)
RODNEY'S QUARTERS. Rodney comes in, sighing tiredly. He takes off his jacket and his radio earpiece, then climbs straight onto his bed and lies down, sighing contentedly and closing his eyes. He breathes out deeply a couple of times. Suddenly his eyes snap open again and he looks around with a crafty expression on his face. He gets up on one elbow and looks around the room, then smiles in a satisfied way and gets up off the bed. He runs his hands down his chest for a moment, then reaches for the zip at the throat of his jumper and starts to pull it down.
INFIRMARY. Carson is sitting at a computer terminal and drinking coffee. Rodney, with the zip of his jumper pulled down several inches, walks in with a lot more bounce in his step than usual and stops, putting one hand on his hip.
BECKETT: No, no. Come in. (Rodney walks closer.) How're you feeling?
McKAY (waving his hand in a dismissive gesture): Fine. (He smiles at Carson and chuckles.)
McKAY: Hmm. Mainly because of Cadman. She's calming, you know? Between you and me, I am damned lucky it was her.
BECKETT (nervously): Should you, uh ...?
McKAY: Oh, she's asleep -- can't hear a thing.
BECKETT: Oh. Well, yes, then, she seems like a lovely lady.
McKAY: Oh! That is so nice!
(He pats Carson's hand and then leaves his hand on top of Carson's. Carson looks down at their hands nervously. Rodney pulls his hand away and backs off a step, clearing his throat.)
McKAY: Hey, um, you wanna, uh, do me a favour? You know, you wanna, uh, ride shotgun on this date tomorrow night?
BECKETT: With Doctor Brown?
McKAY (smiling): Katie.
BECKETT: You're going through with it?
McKAY: Well, I've cancelled on her so many times. I don't wanna mess this up.
(Carson looks puzzled.)
BECKETT: But what d'you want me to do?
McKAY: Listen -- I don't think it's any big secret that I am terrible with women. (Carson laughs.) Having someone there to cut me off when I start making a fool of myself would be a great help. (He leans on the desk in a very non-Rodney like way.) I'd consider it a personal favour.
(Carson thinks about it while Rodney swings his backside from side to side as he waits.)
BECKETT: OK, Rodney, fine.
McKAY: Great! (He walks over to Carson and pats him on both shoulders before turning away, then turns back again.) And, thanks!
(He waves to Carson, then leaves the room with the same bouncy step. Carson half-raises his hand to wave back, looking bewildered.)
DAY TIME. Rodney is fast asleep in bed, snoring gently, with drool running from the side of his mouth. He wakes up slowly and sits up, wiping his mouth. Then he realises that on the bedside table are pictures of Laura with her friends (or sisters) and another picture of her in full military uniform standing with her parents.
McKAY: Where am I? (He looks around and realises that he is naked in bed with just a sheet covering him.) Where are my clothes?!
CADMAN's VOICE (drowsily): Can't we sleep just a little longer?
(Rodney picks his watch off the bedside table and looks at it.)
McKAY: It is two in the afternoon! Where the hell are we?
CADMAN's VOICE: We're in my room. Your mattress sucks.
McKAY: That is a prescription mattress -- I need that for my back. Now, how the hell did we get here?
CADMAN's VOICE: I walked here while you were sleeping.
McKAY: You did what?!
CADMAN's VOICE: Yeah, well, it was a lot easier to use your body when you were asleep.
McKAY: Pants! Where are my pants?
CADMAN's VOICE: They're over on the chair.
(Rodney starts to get up, then stops and pulls the sheet around his body.)
CADMAN's VOICE: Seen it!
McKAY: We have gotta set some boundaries!
CADMAN's VOICE (giggling): Yeah, I'm sorry about that. I'm kinda used to sleeping in the buff.
McKAY: You have crossed a line here, Cadman.
CADMAN's VOICE: I guarantee it was more traumatic for me.
(Rodney, still holding the sheet around him, stands up, then groans in pain.)
McKAY: Why are my legs burning?
CADMAN's VOICE: Oh, I took us for a run before we went to bed.
McKAY: Why in the world would you do that?
CADMAN's VOICE: Because it helps me unwind.
McKAY (hobbling across the room): OK, OK -- this is very important. Did you ingest any citrus? I am deathly allergic to citrus.
CADMAN's VOICE: Uh-oh.
CADMAN's VOICE: Rodney, look -- I worked out, I came here and I went to bed. Jeez, loosen up!
McKAY: I would love to, but every muscle in my body is sore from your stupid workout! (He starts trying to put his boxer shorts on underneath the sheet.)
CADMAN's VOICE: So what's on the board for today?
McKAY: More of the same. Why -- do you have any ideas?
CADMAN's VOICE: Yeah -- actually I do.
(Rodney glances down, then looks up again quickly, covering himself more with the sheet.)
McKAY: Don't look!
GYM. Teyla and Ronon are sparring. Teyla has two fighting sticks while Ronon has only one. Despite her expertise, he is easily matching her. The doors open and John walks in.
SHEPPARD: I thought we were supposed to be sparring today?
TEYLA: You were late. So Ronon and I ...
(She turns her head towards John. Dex immediately knocks her sticks out of her hand and rushes in, grabbing her by the throat. As she struggles, he roars and throws her ferociously to the ground, still pinning her by the throat. John rushes forward and bends down to the pair of them, putting his hand on Dex's as he holds Teyla down.)
SHEPPARD: What the hell do you think you're doing?
(Ronon releases Teyla and stands up.)
DEX: I wouldn't have hurt her.
SHEPPARD: You sure in hell looked like you were going to. (Ronon turns away. John turns to Teyla as she stands up.) You OK?
TEYLA: I am fine. (She puts her hand to her throat as Ronon and his escort leave the room without a word.) I told him that he did not have to go easy on me.
SHEPPARD: You've gotta be careful what you say to this guy.
CADMAN'S QUARTERS. Rodney has finished dressing and is tying his shoelaces.
McKAY: No, it is completely out of the question.
CADMAN's VOICE: Why? You'd rather go it alone?
McKAY: Oh yes, imagine that, I'd rather go it alone!
CADMAN's VOICE: Well, consider the opportunity, right? To have a woman there with you, helping you out, feeding you lines. I really think you could learn something.
McKAY: Thank you for the offer, Cyrano, but I think I'll pass.
CADMAN's VOICE: I was there when you bumped into her, OK? I felt how nervous and awkward you were.
McKAY: Well I'm sure that has nothing to do with my current situation.
CADMAN's VOICE: C'mon, Rodney, let me do this for you! Maybe this is why this happened.
McKAY: “This is why this happened”?
CADMAN's VOICE: Yeah.
McKAY: Are you insane?
CADMAN's VOICE: Considering our situation here, I think I've been extremely reasonable. I can make this a living hell for you, Rodney. This is something I wanna do, and we're doing it.
NIGHT TIME. TEYLA'S QUARTERS. Teyla is on her bed exercising, one leg stretched out behind her and the other stretched out in front. She breathes deeply and leans forward onto her knee. The doors to her quarters open and Ronon stands there, with his escort behind him. Teyla looks up, sees him there, and draws her front leg under her.
DEX: I wanted to apologise.
TEYLA: Come in. (Ronon walks into the room.) Do not worry, Ronon. It was ... impressive. Please. (She gestures to a seat beside the bed. Ronon walks over and sits down.) How are you finding your training?
DEX: You mean my testing.
TEYLA: Is that what you think?
DEX: Am I wrong?
TEYLA: Colonel Sheppard believes you can be of great help to us.
DEX: Why did you join them?
TEYLA: My people are strong and proud, but Atlantis is the best hope for us all. I suspect you see it too, or you would have already left.
KATIE'S QUARTERS. Carson is apologising to Katie as she brings up a third chair to the dinner table.
BECKETT: I am so sorry. I thought he told you that I'd be joining you for dinner.
KATIE: Well, he has been under a lot of stress lately.
BECKETT: Yes -- in fact that's why I'm here.
KATIE: Is he alright?
(The doors open and Rodney walks in.)
McKAY: I'm late -- sorry. Hi.
KATIE: Carson kept me company. Sit down -- the first course is all set to go.
(As she walks away, Rodney turns to Carson.)
McKAY: What are you doing here?
BECKETT: You invited me!
McKAY (realising how that must have happened): Oh, I did, did I? Yes?
KATIE: Please, sit.
(The three of them sit down. Rodney's and Katie's plates already have a salad on them. Katie starts dishing the remaining salad from a bowl in the middle of the table onto Carson's plate. Rodney shovels a forkful of salad into his mouth.)
CADMAN's VOICE: Don't start eating, you idiot! Make a toast first!
McKAY (quietly): Yes, yes, yes! (The other two look at him. He picks up his wine glass and holds it towards Katie.) A toast -- to you. (Katie and Carson also lift their glasses.) We've been working together for ... some time now, a short time, but, um, in that time I've ... often found our interchanges very, um ... um ... (Katie glances nervously at Carson, who looks as if he would be happy if the floor opened up and swallowed him.) What I mean to say is that, um, you're very funny, and smart, (Katie smiles) and, uh ... and from what I can tell, you ... make a delicious salad. (Katie giggles, but she's flattered.) So, to you.
BECKETT: Yes, cheers! (He laughs nervously as they all clink glasses and then drink.)
CADMAN's VOICE: Very good! That wasn't so bad. She's obviously into you, so at least we have that working for us. Now, I was thinking that we m.... (She stops as Rodney keeps drinking.) Wait, McKay. McKay. Stop drinking the wine. You're gonna get drunk. (Rodney keeps drinking as Katie and Carson look on in concern. Laura gasps.) Actually, wait, yes! You need that to loosen up a bit. Finish it off! (Rodney drains the glass.) Good boy! Yeah!
(Katie and Carson start to eat but Rodney seems lost in thought.)
CADMAN's VOICE: Say something, McKay! C'mon, say something that'll start a conversation.
McKAY (to Katie): So, um, do you, uh ... um ... (He wracks his brain for several seconds.)
McKAY: Forgot what I was gonna say. (He thinks.) What was it? Um ... (He seems lost in thought for a moment, then suddenly rises to his feet and puts one hand on his hip.) OK, this is ridiculous. (He looks at Katie, then walks around the table and takes her hand.) Katie, I really like you. In fact, the past few months here have been made more liveable thanks to you. (Katie gazes up at him adoringly, then glances briefly at Carson, whose face is a picture of startled shock.) I wanted tonight to be special, but for reasons I can't go into now, I gotta leave.
(Katie's face falls and she stands up.)
KATIE: I'm sorry to hear that.
McKAY: But I don't want you to be insulted or to wonder whether or not I am interested in you. (He steps closer to her.) Because I am ... (he steps closer) I am very (he steps even closer) very interested. (He wraps one arm around her shoulders and the other around her waist, bends her backwards and kisses her deeply for several seconds before straightening up and breaking the kiss. He smiles at her.) See you soon.
(With one arm still around her, he turns to look at Carson and gazes at him for a moment, then reaches out with his free hand and puts it on the side of Carson's face. He gazes at him a moment longer, then makes an appreciative sound and walks out of the room.)
CORRIDOR. Rodney is walking along very awkwardly.
McKAY: Give me back my body! We have to go back. (As Laura, as his walk changes to a more bouncy step) And do what? I bet that is the most honest you've ever been with a girl and it wasn't even you! (He struggles to walk as Rodney tries to take over.) (As Rodney) Why are you doing this? (As Laura, as he stops walking) We're just trying to do too much too fast, McKay. (As Rodney) We should, we should go back. (As Laura, putting his hand on his hip) Nope! (As Rodney) Alright -- rock, paper, scissors. I'm the left hand, you're the right. (He holds up his left fist. Laura doesn't answer immediately.) Cadman! (As Laura) Fine. (He holds his fists out in front of him and jerks them three times before opening them. The left hand is rock; the right hand is paper.) (As Laura) Yay! Paper beats rock -- we leave. (His right hand points in the direction they should go, but then struggles as Rodney tries to pull it back.) (As Rodney) No, we ... (His right hand snaps back and slaps him around the face.) Ow! (As Laura) Get a hold of yourself, man! (He walks off, in a direction away from Katie's quarters.)
ZELENKA (over comms): Doctor McKay, report to the hangar. Doctor McKay, report to the hangar.
McKAY: Hello! That's us! (He struggles for a moment, then manages to turn his body around and head in the direction of the hangar.) Thank you!
HANGAR. Radek, John and Elizabeth are already there. A technician puts a couple of white mice, inside an open-topped glass container, onto a table as Rodney walks over.
ZELENKA: We've been running simulations all day. I think I may finally have something. I was able to get the generator to run on a buffer loop which tricks the Dart into taking only the power that it needs without overloading.
McKAY: Mmm. Great. Good thinking. Can we, just, see it?
WEIR (looking at Rodney): Anxious?
ZELENKA: OK. Firing.
(He activates the controls and the dematerialiser fires towards the table. Its beam sweeps over the mice and when it fades, the mice have gone.)
ZELENKA: Alright. Life signs holding steady. Now, rematerialisation initiated.
(The beam sweeps out again. When it fades, everyone stares in horror at the table. We see the mice -- they're burned and dead and smoke is rising from their bodies.)
SHEPPARD: Now I'm no scientist, but those mice used to be a different colour.
McKAY: This is never gonna end! I'm gonna be stuck like this -- forever!
CONTROL ROOM. John and Elizabeth are talking.
WEIR: I'm not sure it's a good idea, John.
SHEPPARD: Elizabeth, you've gotta see this guy in action. He is an incredible shot; none of my guys can beat him in a fight; and he's ex-military.
WEIR: Not a military on Earth.
SHEPPARD: The guy's got no place to go.
WEIR: You're not just being charitable?
SHEPPARD: No, I'm not -- and I think he'd make a great addition to my team.
WEIR: We don't know anything about him.
SHEPPARD: Well, what's there to know?
WEIR: Well, anything would be helpful. He's not very forthcoming.
SHEPPARD: He's been on the run from the Wraith for the past seven years. What do you expect? Listen -- just talk to the guy. You owe him that at least.
HEIGHTMEYER'S OFFICE. Rodney is sitting opposite Kate with his head in his hands. He lifts his head.
McKAY: I would like an apology.
McKAY (as Laura): Forget about it!
HEIGHTMEYER: You did take over his body without permission.
McKAY (as Laura): He doesn't ask permission when he takes over. (As Rodney) You ... because it's my body! (As Laura) Yeah -- and I'm a guest. Try and be a little more courteous. (As Rodney, to Kate) You see?! You see what I have to put up with! (As Laura) “Put up with”? (As Rodney, angrily) There's a lot of stuff that I'm not doing right now that I would be doing! (As Laura) I don't wanna hear about it ...
HEIGHTMEYER: Alright, you two. Settle down.
(Rodney and Laura mutter angrily at each other.)
GYM. Ronon is training one of the soldiers in the way to fight with a knife while others watch.
DEX (as he and the soldier duel): Thigh, strip, cut, lift, cut ... and finish. (By this time he has the soldier's arm twisted behind his back and has taken the knife off him and is holding it to his throat.)
(The doors open and Elizabeth walks in.)
WEIR: Ronon. Could I have a word?
(Ronon hands the knife to another soldier.)
DEX: Here. (He walks over to Elizabeth as the soldiers continue practising what he has been teaching them.)
WEIR: I understand Major Sheppard extended an invitation to you to join his team. [Transcriber's note: yes, she really does say “Major”!]
DEX: Yeah, he did.
WEIR: Well, he was supposed to speak to me about that first. (She smiles at him.)
WEIR: Look, it's not that I don't trust you, or value any contributions you may have to make, or that you will make if you do join us -- it's just it is a rather big decision. (She waits for Ronon to comment but he just looks at her.) So how do you feel?
DEX: I'm thinkin' about it.
WEIR: OK, good! Well, I'm thinkin' about it too. So I guess we'll just keep in touch, then?
DEX: OK. (He turns and walks back to the soldiers, who are still practising his moves.)
DEX (to one of the soldiers): Alright – dismembering the defeating arm. Two knives. (The soldier makes his first move.) Slice, cut!
HEIGHTMEYER'S OFFICE. Kate stares in alarm as Rodney and Laura bicker.
McKAY: You're the one who said 'set up rules'. Well, I did. I-I-I-I followed them -- I stuck to them. She basically hijacked me. (As Laura, angry and sarcastic) Hey, you had a real opportunity to get inside the mind of a woman and actually expand your horizons, but no-o-o-o-o. (As Rodney, increasingly furious) Did you ever for a second consider that I might not want to get inside a woman's ...
(Suddenly he gasps, convulses and starts to collapse.)
HEIGHTMEYER: Rodney! Rodney? Rodney? (She jumps up and catches hold of his head as he tumbles off the chair. She lowers him to the floor, then runs to activate her comms on the desk.) This is Heightmeyer. Get Beckett in here stat.
(On the floor, Rodney convulses, then passes out.)
INFIRMARY. Rodney, lying in bed, wakes up to find Carson, Kate and Radek at his bedside.
McKAY: What happened?
BECKETT: You had a seizure.
BECKETT: From what we can tell, the constant fighting over the dominance of your brain is having a deleterious effect on its lower functions: heart rate, respiration, organ function ...
McKAY (as Laura): That's not good. (As Rodney) Of course it's not good!
BECKETT: I'm not sure how long you can go on like this.
McKAY: What do you mean?
BECKETT: These misfires will only increase in frequency and severity over time.
McKAY: Well, fine, she'll stop trying to take control of my body.
BECKETT: It's not as simple as that, Rodney.
HEIGHTMEYER: One of you has to release control. One of you has to let go completely.
McKAY: Ah, well, maybe if someone -- say, you -- hadn't told her to try and take control in the first place, none of this would have happened.
HEIGHTMEYER: I was just trying to help both of you.
McKAY: What happens to the person -- the one who “lets go”?
BECKETT: Well, we're not certain, of course -- we've not often run into these situations before ...
McKAY (as Laura): They would disappear. I know they would, 'cause I can already feel it happening to me. It's getting harder to be in here. It's taking more of an effort. (As Rodney) Has it always been like that? (As Laura) Past few hours. You haven't felt it too? (As Rodney) Well, of course I have -- I just thought I was fighting with you. Look -- where're we at?
(He looks round at Radek, who points to himself questioningly before realising that the last question was addressed to him.)
ZELENKA: Well, we've successfully rematerialised a pair of mice. They were whole and correctly reconstructed ...
ZELENKA: They didn't survive.
BECKETT: I'm afraid if one of you doesn't let go, both of you will die.
(Reluctantly, Rodney raises his hand.)
McKAY: I'll do it.
(Carson nods, then looks confused.)
BECKETT: Which one of you said that?
LATER. As Carson and Kate discuss the situation nearby, Rodney talks with Laura.
McKAY: You don't have to do this.
CADMAN's VOICE: Yes I do, Rodney. It's your body -- and you're not gonna do it.
McKAY: Oh, what makes you so sure?
CADMAN's VOICE: They need you here, and -- as much as I hate to admit it -- I'm not as important as ...
McKAY (interrupting): Stop it! It's not true. (As Laura) Carson! I need something to write with. (As Rodney) What're you doing?
(Carson brings a pad over to the bed.)
CADMAN's VOICE: I wanna write a letter to my folks. I'd appreciate it if you'd deliver it yourself the next time you gate back to Earth, Rodney -- explain what happened.
McKAY: Well, I'm not sure when I'll ... (He trails off.) The Gate! We can use the Gate!
BECKETT: What're you talkin' about?
McKAY: Well, the Gate dematerialises you as you step into it, sending your information to the next Gate so it can be rematerialised on the other side.
CADMAN's VOICE: Well, we know that.
McKAY: So if we can take one of the crystal control modules from the Gate and interface it with the Dart, we should be able to build a stable system. (He starts getting out of bed.)
BECKETT: Rodney, wait. I don't think you're in any condition to do this, Rodney.
McKAY: I don't have time to talk -- I need to get this done before the next seizure. (He shakes Carson off and hurries out.)
HANGAR. Rodney, now wearing a dressing gown over his hospital robe, inserts the last crystal into a small control box. He looks up triumphantly at Radek as the readouts look good on a nearby laptop.
McKAY: Alright, let's do this.
ZELENKA: Just because it works in simulation doesn't mean ...
McKAY: I would prefer not to suffer a fatal seizure while we wait for you to round up more mice for testing. So, shall we? (He goes to the front of the dematerialiser and makes some adjustments.)
CADMAN's VOICE: Rodney.
McKAY: Don't try to talk me out of this -- I may very well listen.
CADMAN's VOICE: I was just gonna say thanks.
McKAY: Well, you're welcome. I can honestly say that the entire experience has been very, um ... ah, about time.
(John, Elizabeth and Carson are just arriving.)
SHEPPARD: Hold on, Rodney -- I thought all the mice died?
McKAY: Well, what are we -- mice or men, hmm?
WEIR: Are you sure about this?
McKAY: Absolutely, yes.
(Elizabeth looks at Radek, who raises his hand in a “we're really not sure at all” kind of gesture. She looks back to Rodney.)
McKAY: Just ... give me a second. (He steps back onto the area marked out as the target for the dematerialiser.) Well, Laura, it's been, um ... unique.
CADMAN's VOICE: To say the least!
McKAY: Good luck to us both, right?
ZELENKA: Alright. (He types onto his keyboard, then looks up at Carson, Elizabeth and John.) It's ready. I suggest you take a step back.
(The three of them step back away from the target area.)
(He raises his finger to activate the controls, but Rodney suddenly puts his hand on his hip and raises the index finger on his other hand.)
CADMAN's VOICE: Wait!
(Rodney turns and walks purposefully over to Carson, grabs him by the lapels of his lab coat, pulls him close and kisses him passionately. Elizabeth looks away, embarrassed, while John just stares in disbelief. After a moment, Rodney breaks the kiss.)
McKAY (as Laura): Just in case this doesn't work. (At that moment, she releases control. Rodney lets go of Carson's coat with a gasp of horror.) Oh! (He stumbles back into the target area, unable to meet anyone's eyes.) Just, just hit it. (He covers his eyes with his hand.)
(Radek hits the button and the beam comes out of the dematerialiser. It washes over Rodney and when it dissipates, Rodney has gone. On the computer, two life signs show.)
ZELENKA: OK -- it's reading as two life signs. Power levels are steady ...
SHEPPARD: Get 'em out of there!
(Radek hits the button again and the two life signs fade from the screen. The beam shoots out again and when it fades, Rodney is standing there with his head still in his hand. Next to him is Laura Cadman, her hand still outstretched as it had been when she tried to push Rodney out of the Dart's beam. They stand there for a second, then both collapse to the floor. Carson and the others rush forward to check on them.)
BECKETT: Let's get them to the Infirmary.
CONTROL ROOM. John is following Elizabeth.
SHEPPARD: Uh, did you get the chance to talk to Ronon?
WEIR: Yes, I did. Chatty fellow, isn't he?!
WEIR: He would be your responsibility.
SHEPPARD: I knew you'd say yes!
WEIR: I haven't said yes.
SHEPPARD: Well, you were about to.
(Elizabeth narrows her eyes at him for a moment.)
SHEPPARD: There y'go!
INFIRMARY. Rodney, snoring gently, wakes up in bed. He opens his eyes and sees a blurry image of Elizabeth, John and Radek sitting on the other side of the room waiting for him to wake up. They notice that he's awake and stand up.
CADMAN's VOICE: Feelin' better?
(Rodney turns his head to the left, but the bed next to his is empty.)
McKAY: Oh no!
CADMAN's VOICE (sing-song): Over here!
(Rodney turns his head to the right and sees Laura in the bed next to his, with Carson standing at her side. She waves to Rodney.)
McKAY: Oh, um ... a little less crowded. You?
CADMAN: Same. It's nice to have my own body back.
BECKETT (to Laura as he checks her readings): You are doing supremely well.
McKAY: Ah, good to hear. (He turns to Radek, who has come over to his bedside.) Nice work.
ZELENKA: Well, it was your idea.
McKAY: Well, of course it was, but you ... you were ... there.
(John and Elizabeth have walked to the foot of Laura's bed.)
SHEPPARD: Lieutenant, way to survive what I think may be my worst nightmare.
CADMAN: Thank you, sir!
McKAY: Yes, thank you!
(John smiles sarcastically at him.)
WEIR: I imagine you two might want a moment.
CADMAN: Actually, ma'am, I think I'd like some time alone.
McKAY: Same here. It's, um, been a while.
WEIR: Alright. (To Carson) Release them as soon as you can.
(As the others walk away, he clasps Laura's hand for a moment, then also leaves. Laura looks at Rodney and smiles at him. He smiles back.)
(He turns his head away, sighing in relief.)